Dozen Bugs Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

41 Results for Dozen Bugs

View 31 - 40 results for dozen bugs comic strips. Discover the best "Dozen Bugs" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2003's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #jobs, #want job your job, #falling out of trees, #dime a dozen, #intimidation, #job on line, #idle threats

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: The woods are full of people who want your job. These days you can't shake a tree without three or four engineers falling out. Id love to stay and chat but I need to go motivate the other headcounts.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2004's comic on:


Tags #deadly safety flaw, #stock plunge, #massive layoffs, #ruined career, #dead customers, #hardest

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: "Wally, I discovered a deadly safety flaw in our product. Who should I inform?" Wally: "No one. The stock would plunge and we'd have massive layoffs. Your career would be ruined." Asok: "But my negligence could cause the deaths of a dozen customers." Wally: "The first dozen is always the hardest."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2004's comic on:


Tags #bowels of bureaucarzy, #payroll error, #crawling, #underground, #trolls, #bugs, #bones, #glaring, #hellish

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I don't like the looks of this. BUREACRACY ASOK: I only want to correct a small payroll error. Can you help me? Troll: does it help if I glare ar you for disturbing my lunch?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2009's comic on:


Tags #reading, #budget, #fixing, #failure

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "We can only afford to fix the high-priority bugs." Dilbert says, "If we don't fix 100% of the bugs, the software will be 100% useless." Dilbert says, "So our plan is to fail?" The boss says, "More slowly."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2009's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #problem, #scenario, #ridiculous, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Our new data center is complete." Dilbert says, "The only wrinkle is that the power company won't give us the kilowatts we need." The boss says, "What are our options?" Dilbert says, "Well, we can run the servers without air conditioning." Dilbert says, "Until they melt into a toxic blob." Dilbert says, "Then we can turn the building into a museum that celebrates poor planning." Dilbert says, "Or we could all quit our jobs and eat bugs to survive." The boss says, "Let's go with the toxic blob, but we need to call it something else." Man says, "Convergence!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2002's comic on:


Tags #be there minute, #sniffing, #cough, #cooties, #direct hot, #unclean, #bugs, #sneezed, #motivation, #looks like

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss calls after Alice, "Tell everyone I'll be there in a minute." He makes a noise, "Sniff." Alice turns and asks, "What's all that sniffing about? Do you have a cold?" The Boss replies, "Little one." The Boss begins to shake and makes the noise, "Mmph." The Boss' mouth opens very widely and he coughs severely. Papers are blown all around; Alice is hit directly in the face with the cough. Alice exclaims, "Gaaa!!! I took a direct hit!" Alice continues, "The cooties are burrowing into my skin." Alice starts running and exclaims, "I'm unclean!!" The Boss and Catbert watch Alice. The Boss says to Catbert, "I hope that's what motivation looks like." Catbert replies, "Close enough."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ceos, #executives, #leadership, #threat, #internet, #ruin journalist, #off the record, #reporters, #bar conversation, #negative article, #criminally insane, #brillaunet writer, #venn diagram, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: There's a bad story about you on the Internet. Apparently, you described a plan to "ruin any journalist who writes an unfair story" about us. CEO: That was off the record! Dilbert: You said it in front of a dozen reporters at a business event. CEO: It was just bar conversation. I was making a point about fairness. Dilbert: Hmmm... but now no sane writer would write a negative article about us. I can't tell if you're a brilliant leader or criminally insane. CEO: I'd show you the Venn diagram they gave us in CEO school, but it just looks like a circle.

Tricky To Be An Optimist

Thank you for voting.
Tricky To Be An Optimist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #coffee, #conversation, #glass

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are you done writing the soft-ware? Wally: Yes, but it has some bugs. Boss: How is that different from not being done? Wally: I see the glass as half full. Boss: Half full of bugs? Wally: Optimism is tricky.

Software Is Never Finished

Thank you for voting.
Software Is Never Finished  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #deadline, #guidance, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Is the software finished? Dilbert: Software is never finished. Boss: Did you fix all of the bugs? Dilbert: There's no way to know. Boss: I can't manage you if you don't learn to lie. Dilbert: Okay, the software will be perfect in 2.3 days.

One Problem Becomes Two

Thank you for voting.
One Problem Becomes Two - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2018's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #complaint, #belief, #Opinion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Today a dozen people got angry at me because they believed I was privately thinking the opposite of what I was saying. Why can't people just listen to my words?? Dogbert: Have you tried not being boring? Dilbert: Whenever I tell you I have one problem, I leave with two.