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Dogbert sits on a throne wearing a miter. Dilbert says, "I know that the Elbonians are simple people, but they CAN handle democracy if you let them." Dogbert asks, "Do you know what the national bird of Elbonia is?" Dilbert guesses, "Condor?" Dogbert replies, "Frisbee."
Dogbert sits on the hassock watching tv. A newscaster says, "The tiny nation of Elbonia erupted in civil war." In Elbonia, a television reporter holds a microphone toward two Elbonians and asks, "What caused you to turn your weapons on your own people?" One Elbonian asks, "Weapons? We can use weapons?" The other Elbonian puts his hands on his hips and says, "Well, no wonder it was taking so long."
Dilbert, who is carrying a suitcase, says to Dogbert, "The President of Elbonia asked me to negotiate an end to their civil war." Dogbert asks, "Why you?" Dilbert replies, "No doubt he was impressed by my diplomacy when I was an economic advisor . . . I just wish I didn't have to fly on Elbonia Airlines." In Elbonia, two Elbonians looks at a diagram of a cannon firing at a target. One man says, ". . . At his weight, we calculate that Elbonia Airlines will fling him right on the rebel leader."
The caption says, "Dilbert takes Elbonia Airlines. He's been asked to negotiate an end to the Elbonian civil war." An Elbonian man places Dilbert and his suitcase in a giant slingshot. Dilbert flies through the air over Elbonia. Dilbert thinks, "I can succeed if I find some way to impress the rebel leader they call 'The Fox.'" Dilbert lands on an Elbonian man. Another Elbonian yells, "The Fox is dead!!"
Dogbert sits on the hassock watching tv. A newscaster says, "In Elbonia, the rebel leader known as 'The Fox' was killed." The newscaster continues, "By Elbonian law, his killer becomes the new rebel leader. We do not know his code name yet." In Elbonia, three Elbonians confront Dilbert. One of them says, "We've narrowed it down to either 'The Piglet' or 'The Hamster.'"
Dilbert packs his suitcase. Ratbert says, "I'll go with you on your trip to Elbonia. I can be your bodyguard." Dilbert replies, "It's not a good place for a rat. The mud is quite . . ." Ratbert yells, "You think I'm not tough enough? I'll show you!!" In Elbonia, an Elbonian points at a bump in the mud next to Dilbert and asks, "And THAT'S your bodyguard?" Ratbert says from under the mud, "I don't like the tone of your voice."
Dilbert: "...The French stopped bombing Elbonia when they realized there was nothing worth destroying." "Ironically, the GNP of Elbonia tripled by selling the bomb fragments for scrap. When I left they were trying to goad France into another war." "French Embassy" Elbonian: "You call this swill champagne?? If we drank this we'd have to eat snails to get the taste out of our mouths too!!"
"Here's the press release about our bid to buy 'DSN' for fifty billion dollars." "DSN is the hollywood studio that provides static to all the channels that woudl otherwise be blank." "The 'Dogbert Static Network'?!!" "Talk to me, babe."
Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. He hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's my bid to run your telemarketing company. Basically, it's no cost to you." Dogbert continues, "My telemarketers pay themselves. If they get a feeble-minded person on the phone they charge them triple and pocket the difference." The Boss says, "There's no way I can lose." Dogbert says, "Don't answer your home phone for a few weeks."
The Boss, Dogbert and an Elbonian sit around a conference table. The Elbonian says, "We're offering attractive incentives to companies that move to Elbonia." The Elbonian continues, "Zero taxes, cheerful slave labor, amnesty from any inconvenient laws, and absolutely no environmental regulations!" The Boss asks, "Is that the best you can do?" The Elbonian hands a baby across the table and says, "Here, use my first born son as a lawn ornament."