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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1993's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #Dogbert, #outdoors, #activity

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Dogbert sits on his pillow. Ratbert says, "I can't remember if I'm left-handed or right-handed." Ratbert says, "I live in fear that I'll be walking in the park, someone will toss me a ball and I'll look . . . awkward." Ratbert lies underneath a ball. The person who threw the ball says, "Nice catch, rat." Ratbert asks, "Really? It didn't look awkward?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #improve career, #ceo, #refer first name, #recent meeting, #rule, #iron fist, #funny dog

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Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting on the couch. Dogbert says, "Try this little trick to improve your career . . ." Dogbert continues, "Anytime you want something your way, simply refer to your CEO by his first name and say he gave you directions during your very recent meeting." Dogbert continues, "It's totally unverifiable. People will fear you and do as you say. You'll rule with an iron fist!" Dilbert responds, "You're a funny little dog."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 1995's comic on:


Tags #sign, #business case, #web server, #crosses all deaportments, #every director, #evp, #ted griffin, #half eagle, #half lion

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Dilbert asks the Boss, "Who needs to sign my business case to buy a web server?" The Boss says, "Hmm . . . This crosses all departments. I fear it. Get the approval of every director, every VP, every EVP, plus Griffin." As Dilbert walks away he asks, "Do you mean Ted Griffin in finance or the mythical griffin beast that's half eagle, half lion?" The Boss answers, "Whichever is harder."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 1995's comic on:


Tags #rejected by accounting, #emptiness, #shallow, #validate, #pathetic exitsence, #fear this up, #philosophy

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A female employee hands a document to Dilbert and says, "Your report was rejected by accounting." Dilbert asks, "Why?" The woman responds, "Because the emptiness of their shallow lives makes them want to hurt others in order to validate their pathetic existence." Dilbert asks the woman, "Can you help me clear this up?" She responds, "To be honest, I'm kinda buying in to their philosophy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 1995's comic on:


Tags #inspirational poster, #animal research, #beautiful scene, #nightly eagle swoop

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The Boss says to Ratbert, "My inspirational posters aren't working. I need to do some animal research, Ratbert." Ratbert answers, "Ready!!" The Boss holds up the poster and asks, "In this beautiful scene we see a mighty eagle swooping down to capture its prey. What is your reaction?" Ratbert shakes in fear. The Boss thinks, "I think it's working." Ratbert screams, "Run for it, mom!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #Dogs, #neighbor, #global warming, #acid rain, #mad dog, #national debt, #carnivore, #ozone, #garbage, #crisis

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the paper. Dogbert says, "I'm bored. I'm going to scare strangers." Dilbert replies, "Enjoy." Dogbert walks out of the house thinking, "Luckily, lots of people are afraid of dogs." Dogbert stands on the sidewalk and says to a passer by, "Hey mister, I've got rabies!!" The man replies, "I'm only afraid of global warming." Dogbert stands in front of a woman and shouts, "Pit bull! Pit bull!" The woman says, "Save it . . . I'm only afraid of acid rain." Dogbert shouts at a man, "Mad dog! Mad dog!" The man says, "Sorry, I only fear the national debt." Dogbert shouts at a boy carrying a skateboard, "Wild carnivore!" The boy replies, "Chill out, dog dude. I'm only scared of the hole in the ozone layer." Another man says, ". . . Garbage crisis." Dogbert says, "People scare me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 1991's comic on:


Tags #dog, #Dilbert, #donald trump, #ugly, #single, #male, #associated, #avoid, #eye, #contact, #horror, #maiden, #sacrifice, #drew, #straws, #marry

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The caption says, "It is the most feared and hated creature on earth." The caption says, "Not a dinosaur." Bob the Dinosaur growls. The caption says, "Not a rabid dog." Dogbert asks, "Rabid?" The caption says, "Not Donald Trump." Donald Trump wears a tuxedo. The caption says, "It is the 'ugly single male.'" Dilbert holds his arms out. The caption says, "Other males fear being associated with him." Dilbert says, "Hi, guys!" Two men run away from him. The caption says, "Women avoid eye contact and flee in horror." Dilbert asks, "Anybody free for lunch?" One woman puts her head down and covers her face. Another runs away. The caption says, "Only a maiden sacrifice can end the horror." A woman tells Dilbert, "We drew straws; I have to marry you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #company, #survey, #attitudes, #anonymous, #retribution, #dog eared, #phone, #Number, #confidential, #green, #pen, #marker, #eskimo, #objectives

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "Dilbert, do you have a minute?" The Boss continues, "The company is doing an survey of employee attitudes about their bosses." The Boss continues, "It's totally anonymous, so you don't have to fear any retribution." The Boss opens an envelope and says, "Oops! It looks like your questionnaire is a bit dog-eared." The Boss continues, "I'll put my phone number on the confidential envelope in case you need me." The Boss hands Dilbert a pen and says, "You can use this green marker pen." The Boss adds, "Oh, and I took the liberty of checking off your ethnic background as Eskimo. It's just a statistical thing." Dilbert reads, "1. Does your boss clearly communicate your objectives?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #alice, #Dilbert, #Wally, #executive, #business meeting, #hr

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The Boss, Dilbert, Alice, Wally and an executive sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "You all know our president, Mister Goodenrich. He's here to answer any questions you have." Alice asks, "Why aren't there any women or minorities in senior management positions?" Mr. Goodenrich replies, "We think women are for making babies. As for minorities, we fear them." Wally asks, "How can you justify your ten million dollar salary when profits are down?" The president laughs and replies, "The board of directors are friends of mine and it's not their money they're spending." Dilbert asks, "Why does the company keep talking about employee training while at the same time slashing the training budget?" The president replies, "We think you're too dumb to train. We'll hire people from the outside if we need talent." Wally says, "I must say, your honesty is kind of refreshing." The president replies, "And you're all fired for asking questions."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 1998's comic on:


Tags #mordac, #preventer if info services, #y2k demon, #not big, #imagined bigger, #cute, #giant foot, #y2k, #fear, #scared, #culture, #unknown

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Mordac stands in front of a shaking computer. Mordac says, "I am Mordac, the preventer of information services! I summon the Y2K demon!" A little tadpole like demon bursts out of the computer screen. Mordac says, "You're not as big as I imagined. I wonder why everyone is so afraid." Mordac holds the demon. Mordac says, "Cute!" A huge claw comes down to pick him up.