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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #consultant, #management

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Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk and says, "I'm a 'blame consultant.'" The Boss thinks, "I've seen him before." Dogbert explains, "For a large fee I will tell the workers that the problems in the company are THEIR fault, not yours. It's the latest management fad." The Boss asks, "Won't they see right through that?" Dogbert asks, "Is that MY fault??!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 1994's comic on:


Tags #Opinion, #charge fee, #copensation, #idiots, #cost you

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"From now on, I'm going to charge anybody who gives me their opinion." "People are idiots. If I have to listen to their opinions, I deserve compensation." "You're forgetting that 'from the mouths of babes...comes...something good." "That'll cost you a buck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1995's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #venture capitalist, #technical expertise, #business stuff, #special, #decotrative, #non equity stock, #common stock, #avoid tension, #partners experince

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Dogbert sits at a conference table with a businessman. Dogbert says, "You'll use your technical expertise and I'll do the business stuff. Sign here." As the businessman signs the contract Dogbert says, "Since you're the inventor of the technology, you'll get 100% of the special decorative non-equity stock. I'll settle for all the common stock." The businessman says, "I hope we can avoid the tension that some partners experience." Dogbert says angrily, "Give me my pen, you miscreant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 1989's comic on:


Tags #date, #love & dating, #video

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Dilbert enters Video Date, Inc. Dilbert sits across from a desk. A man smoking a cigar explains, ". . . Then we film our clients so prospective dates can screen each other for compatibility." The man continues, "For an extra fee we supply special effects to make you appear more manly. Our most popluar theme is where we dress you in a loin cloth and you rip the arms off an Arnold Schwarzenegger dummy while bombs explode nearby!" Dilbert asks, "Gosh, don't you have something that will make me look sensitive and caring?" The man thinks. The man says, "Okay . . . We dress you up as Mary Tyler Moore and have you bottle feeding this plastic dying dolphin." Dilbert replies, "No, too sensitive. Suppose we say the dolphin just has a bad cold . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 1991's comic on:


Tags #bicycle, #dinosaur, #Dilbert, #bob, #rips, #pants, #helmets, #dance, #Women, #love, #wine, #guys, #fruity, #flowery, #polyester, #conversation, #trellis, #code, #modulation

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The strip is titled, "Bob the Dinosaur rips the pants off of guys we hate for no reason." Bob says, "Yes!" The caption says, "Guys who wear those little helmets to ride a bicycle." A man wearing a helmet says, "Did a 100 K today." Bob rips his pants off and says, "Safety first!" The man screams. The caption says, "Guys who know actual dance steps." Bob reaches for a man who is dancing. The man screams as Bob rips his pants off. Bob says, "Women love that stuff!" The caption says, "Guys who know wine." A man sitting at a table in a restaurant tastes a glass of wine. He comments, "Fruitty, yet tannic . . ." Bob rips his pants off. He looks at the man's underwear and says, "Flowery, yet polyester!!" The caption says, "Guys who can stop a conversation cold." Dilbert says to two people at a party, "That reminds me of trellis code modulation." Bob reaches for his pants.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ivy league degree, #vice president, #rerganized, #training ratbert, #teching, #grooming for position, #powerful position

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Dilbert sits at his desk and Dogbert sits on the desk behind him. Dilbert says, "I wish I had an Ivy League degree so I could be promoted to vice president." Dogbert responds, "You don't need one." Dilbert says, "It's impossible to be a vice president without one." Dogbert says, "I'll bet $100 I can turn a rat into a vice president." Dogbert and Ratbert stand in front of a mirror. Dogbert says, "That was good, but try saying it as though your soul just abandoned your body." Ratbert says, "We've reorganized to focus on our core competency."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 1996's comic on:


Tags #quality assurance, #heres resume, #words spelled wrong, #not even bothered, #hired, #base salry

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Ratbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "I'd be perfect for the job in quality assurance. Here's my resume." The Boss looks at the resume and asks, "Are you bothered by the fact that half of your words are spelled wrong?" Ratbert replies, "Nope! I'm not even bothered by your anal-retentive behavior." The Boss says, "You're hired. Your bonus will equal negative 100% of your base salary, okay?" Ratbert says, "I don't see any problem with that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 1997's comic on:


Tags #designing a brochure, #emphasize things, #product unique, #higher prices, #stale technology, #fewer feature

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The caption says, "Designing a brochure." Dilbert sits at a conference table with a man from marketing. Dilbert says, "We'll want to emphasize the things that make our product unique." The man says, "Good good." Dilbert says, "Let's see . . . We have higher prices . . . Stale technology . . . Fewer features . . . And it's hard to use." Dilbert asks, "Can you work with that?" The man replies, "Suddenly I don't feel so bad that we won't be using 100 percent recycled paper."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1997's comic on:


Tags #boss, #down in jet, #minor injuries, #saved by padding, #saved by prayer, #work great, #minor hair injuries, #100 nuns onboard, #nunnery, #not a lot of aerobics

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Alice throws her arms out wide and says, "Work has been great since our Boss went down in the jet!" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh." The Boss walks in, one side of his pointy hair bandaged. Alice and Dilbert are shocked. The Boss says, "I survived with only minor injuries. I was lucky to be on a flight that had a hundredd nuns onboard." Alice says, "You were saved by prayer?" The Boss replies, "No, padding. They don't do a lot of aerobics at the nunnery."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 1998's comic on:


Tags #mental powers, #predicting, #proven psychic, #scientific methid, #testing

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Ken the Skeptic sits in a chair, drinking from a cup of coffee. He says, "I've used the scientific method to debunk 100% of the people who claim they have mental powers." Dogbert sits on the couch and says, "Are you saying that every test you perform turns out the way you predict it will?" Ken says, "What's your point?" Dogbert's ears fly up and he screams, "You've proven that you're psychic!"