First Employee To Fail Comic Strips - Page 4
1000 Results for First Employee To Fail
View 31 - 40 results for first employee to fail comic strips. Discover the best "First Employee To Fail" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dilbert's Ego: I'm Dilbert's ego. I'd like to update image with a toupee. Male Employee: I recommend the, "Roy Orbison," Model. It comes with sunglasses. Dilbert's Ego: Now I won't have to rely so heavily on my personality,
The Boss gestures toward an employee and says to Dilbert and another man, "I'd like to recognize Wilson for working twenty-hour days and making the project a success." The man says, "Thanks, but I'm not Wilson. He quit months ago." The Boss says, "Oh . . ." The Boss walks away thinking, "I've got to sop calling this the employee recognition program."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, I know it's only our first date, but what do you think of me?" The woman replies, "You remind me of Elvis." Dilbert thinks, "Sexy." The woman thinks, "Dead."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and a woman, "I'm discontinuing the employee drug testing program . . ." The Boss shows Dilbert a document and says, "Because my own tests keep turning out positive . . . Which makes me suspect that some wise guy has tampered with the medical computer." Dilbert says, "Denial and paranoia . . . Classic symptoms." Wally asks, "Is he 'high' right now?"
Dilbert shows Dogbert a mud flap and says, "I bought some mud flaps with the silhouette of a naked woman." Dilbert continues, "With these on my car, women will think I'm a sexist Neanderthal, and men will be embarrassed to share my gender." Dilbert continues, "But now I'm having second thoughts." Dogbert says, "That implies you had first thoughts."
A comedian asks Dilbert, "Is this your first time?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah." Dilbert shakes nervously and beads of sweat fly off his forehead. The man says, "I know I'm supposed to be your competitor, but I'll share my technique of using mental imagery to relax." Dilbert says, "Thanks!" The man says, "Imagine that you're naked . . . And the audience is full of Mary Kay salespeople with camcorders . . ."
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How did you do in the stand-up comedy competition?" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and he has bruises on his face. Dilbert replies, "I was halfway through my first joke -- about old people, when an elderly woman dragged me off stage and slapped the bejeezus out of me." Dilbert holds up a trophy and says, ". . . It was good enough for third place."
Dogbert says to a customer, "I asked the boss to sell it at your price." Dogbert continues, "He told me to drive over your foot and steal your purse." Dogbert continues, "Buy maybe I can convince him to take your first-born son instead." The woman says, "He IS my first-born son!!"
Dilbert arrives at a woman's door carrying flowers. Floyd is still attached to Dilbert's back. The woman says, "I don't mean to sound critical on a first date, but there's a little man attached to your back." Dilbert says, "That's Floyd. He's a co-worker who survives by sharing the success of others." The woman asks, "What if you're not successful?" Dilbert replies, "He'll die. But hey, no pressure."
Dilbert approaches the "Air Elbonia" counter and says to the clerk, "Give me one ticket for the slingshot flight to Elbonia's capital." The airline ticket agent asks, "Do you want first class or coach?" Dilbert asks, "What's the difference?" The clerk replies, "With first class we don't intentionally fling you toward something hard."