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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "My consultant advised me to handle the layoffs in a direct, professional way." The Boss holds up a rubber stamp and continues, "So, throughout the day I'll be sneaking up on people and stamping 'Canceled' on their backs." As Wally runs away, Alice says, "Let me see if I understand . . ." The Boss points and says, "Hey! Is that the Goodyear blimp?"
A woman hands Dilbert a baby and says, "Everybody in the office gets a turn holding my new baby." Ted says, "Next." Dilbert holds the baby and thinks, "Uh-oh . . . Sneeze coming." Dilbert sneezes. Dilbert looks at the baby and says, "Ooh! Look what he does when you sneeze on him." Ted says, "He looks like a prune!" The mother looks shocked.
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert's head is bandaged and his arm is in a sling. Dilbert says, "I've had nothing but tragedy since making a fortune in the stock market." Dilbert continues, "Sometimes, Dogbert, it seems like our lives have preset balances of joy and pain; when one gets too high the other kicks in to compensate." Dilbert continues, "But through it all, I always have you, my friend." Dogbert replies, "At least until my good luck kicks in."
Dogbert and several executives sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "Thank you all for coming to this emergency board meeting." Dogbert continues, "As you know, all promotions to senior management are based on hair. I think we all agree this is the best system." Dogbert lifts the president's toupee with a pointer and continues, "But have you noticed that I have a rich lustrous coat, whereas our current president gets a little outside help?"
Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert hands Dilbert a list and says, "Here's a list of my Christmas demands." Dogbert says, "Follow the instructions and nobody gets hurt." Dilbert says, "You're bluffing. You wouldn't hurt my plastic window Santa." Dogbert holds the electric cord to the decoration and says, "One yank and he's off life support!"
Dilbert: "I'm telling you - if nobody gets a raise, half the engineers will quit!" The Boss: "That's the goal. We're trying to reduce headcount by fifty percent." Dilbert: "But all the smart people will leave!" Dilbert: "Would you mind organizing a goodbye potluck lunch for them?"
The Boss: Our CEO cancelled his visit, He's sending his top aid, ZIMBU the monkey in his place. Dilbert: Isn't that typical? I spent a week exaggerating my accomplishments for this now he sends a stupid monkey! what could be more humiliating than trying to suck up to a monkey? Monkey: Failing at it?
Dogbert: I'm writing a book of my guesses about future trends. If it gets published then my guesses will seem more valid than other peoples. I'll charge huge fees to share my 'vision" with audiences. Dilbert: Why would people pay huge fees for guesses? Dogbert: Trend number one is that people aren't getting any smarter.
Dogbert: "I can predict the future by assuming that money and male hormones are the driving forces for new technology." "Therefore, when virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed." "Year 2004" Date: "Is Dilbert available?" DOgbert: "He's been in the holodeck since March."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I've decided to manage by physical intimidation. If somebody says something stupid I'll just smack them." Dilbert says, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." The Boss hits himself in the head. Dilbert thinks, "On the other hand, maybe I should give it a chance."