Gigantic Database Comic Strips - Page 4
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Dogbert says to his client, "You can lose weight if you write down all of your meals in a journal." The man asks Dogbert, "That's all I need to do?" And Dogbert replies, "Yes, if you use our patented weight-loss pencil." The man leaves Dogbert carrying a gigantic pencil over his shoulder.
Dilbert says to The Boss, "We don't have enough engineers to handle all the requests for sales support." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Build an online database to log all the requests." Dilbert says to The Boss, "It might look as if I'm staring at you with a mixture of contempt and disbelief, but I'm actually meditating."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I want you to integrate our sales database with our inventory and finance systems." The Boss continues, "The managers of those systems are a nitwit, an ogre, and a $#!&% respectively." The Boss continues, "And they know that two of them will be fired when it's complete." Dilbert responds, "I can get that done in thirty years."
Doctor Dogbert Show Dogbert: Today we'll meet a couple who have a common problem. Big woman: I make him sleep in a gigantic hot dog bun. Dogbert: Can I see it? Man: No... please big woman: And the problem is that he snores.
"My company is selling gigantic, shard-filled doughnuts with forty thousand calories apiece." "It's based on Dogbert's theory that people are pleasure-seeking morons." "How does it taste?" "Delicious! I have one for you strapped to my car"
Phew! That was a nice four-mile walk. "Refreshing!" "Want to watch some TV?" "After I finish this call." Dogbert's Tech Support "Thanks for holding. There's nothing in the database about your kind of problem." @#$%!
"You've had fifteen jobs in two months. How can I be sure you're not a job hopper?" "Maybe I change jobs a lot. And maybe I have gigantic rabbit ears. But does that make me a hopper?" "Okay, okay, you're hired." "I am so sick of this place!"
Boss: Studies show that it takes 10,000 hours of focused practice to become an expert at anything. According to your resume, you've only had enough database experience to be an incompetent menace. Interviewee: How many hours have you practiced doing interviews? Boss: I don't like where this is headed.
The boss says, "Asok, I want to scrub the CPS database." Asok says, "No one uses that data." Asok the intern says, "But you are incapable of admitting error. So now I must dedicate my time to a thoroughly useless task." The boss thinks, "This job got easier when I stopped listening." Asok says, "It's like death, but without the glamour!"