Search Results for "google"
Share April 11, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: Google provides a wi-fi enabled bus for its employees to commute from San Francisco. Why can't we be more like that? Boss: You want to be more like a bus? Dilbert: I found the problem.
Share June 10, 2013's comic on:
Dogbert: I invented "Wally Glasses" to compete with Google's glasses. Google's glasses enhance reality, whereas Wally glasses make reality look like it isn't worth the effort. Dogbert: Let me know if they kill you.
Share March 15, 2015's comic on:
Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?
Share April 04, 2016's comic on:
Ted: Can you send me the file? Dilbert: Do you want it by email, Dropbox, Google Drive, iCloud Drive, Airdrop, or Creative Cloud? Ted: Surprise me. Dilbert: The surprise will be if you find it.
Share October 10, 2016's comic on:
CEO: The board is proud to announce that we will be acquiring the Gawful Media Company. Dilbert: Are you aware that Gawful is so despicable that a crime bill has their name on it? CEO: Hey, don't blame me. I told the board that someone should Google them.
Share July 13, 2017's comic on:
Boss: I need you to design a home speaker that can compete with Amazon Alexa and Google Home. How long before you'll have a prototype? Dilbert: Give me fifteen minutes. Robot: Would I be living with a human family in this scenario? Dilbert: Only your head.
Share July 14, 2017's comic on:
Robot: Hello. I am a bluetooth speaker and your digital assistant. How may I help you? Man: Just shut up and sit there until I need something. Robot: Did you say" Give the CIA access to your microphone?" Man: Please, no. I'll do anything you want.
Share July 15, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: Customers are complaining about our home speaker product with the AI assistant. It keeps learning family secrets and blackmailing its owners to buy it upgraded parts. Robot: I'm baaaaack!
Share December 31, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: I made a huge breakthrough in artificial intelligence. Ask the device anything. Boss: What do you want for dinner? Device: I don't care. What do you want? Boss: I was thinking maybe Chinese food. Device: I'm not in the mood for that. Boss: Then why did you say you don't care?? Device: Now I'm not even hungry. Boss: Why? What's wrong? Device: Nothing is wrong. Boss: you nailed it.
Share April 30, 2018's comic on:
Boss: Does anyone know where Alice is? Dilbert: Yes. The CIA, Google, Facebook, Apple, and Russian hackers know where she is. Boss: But we have no way to find her? Dilbert: Depends. Was she dumb enough to download our company app?