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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 1997's comic on:


Tags #security system, #cost fortune, #camera, #every room, #criminal activity, #fortress portected, #show kids, #stuff stolen

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Dilbert installs a panel on the wall. He tells Dogbert, "This security system cost a fortune but it's worth it." Dilbert says, "I put a camera in every room to deter any criminal activity." Dilbert says, "We may now go to the park knowing our fortress is protected." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. A man walks by carrying a lamp. The man walks by carrying a couch. The man walks by carrying the cameras. He thinks, "I can't wait to show my kids what I do at work." Dilbert says, "I can only think of one thing worse than having all of my stuff stolen." Dilbert says, "And that is having some of it returned." The thief walks by with the couch. He says, "This thing is hideous in good light."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 1997's comic on:


Tags #bad clothes, #casula clothes, #Catbert, #evil hr director, #explain logic, #hawaiian shirt, #impact on earnings, #one casual day

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Catbert sits at his computer, prring as he types. He thinks, "Another evil policy. I'm a happy cat." The Boss reads from a memo and says, "Casual clothes will not be allowed this Friday..." The Boss continues, "...Because we had Hawaiian shirt day on Wednesday." Everyone has question marks floating above their heads. Alice says, "Um... can you explain the logic here?" The Boss says, "We're only allowed one casual day per week." Wally says, "Why?" The Boss says, "If we had TWO casual days, obviously it would have an impact on earnings." Wally says, "Does stupidity have an impact on our earnings, too, or just bad clothes?" The Boss says, "We're only sure about bad clothes." Dilbert says, "Alice, you're killing us with that outfit." Alice glares.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #no annual raises, #ouift, #cafeteria napkins, #colonize mars, #distractions, #guide conversation away

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources The Boss: How do I tell people that there won't be any annual raises?" CAtbert: If someone tries to raise the topic, guide the conversation away." "...And thats why my outfit is made of cafeteria napkins." "Do you think we'll ever colonize Mars?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2006's comic on:


Tags #art, #artist, #modern art, #expression, #obtuse, #con, #scheme, #money, #fake

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My idea is to drape a huge tarp over the hideous sculpture in the courtyard. "My message will be that art is as much about the negative space as the positive." "Plus it's not really art unless someone is winning."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2006's comic on:


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"By now, you've noticed that your jobs are hideous nightmares of frustration and underpayment." "But what you don't know is that every other company is exactly the same." "Reduce employee turnover...Check."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #violence, #punching, #pain, #meeting, #angry, #economy, #business

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Alice says, "I hear you have an MBA, just like the jerks who ruined the economy." Alice says, "I'm going to punch you so hard that it hurts everyone who has the same degree." Dilbert says, "What as that hideous noise?" Man says, "Ow!!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2005's comic on:


Tags #personal items, #can't be higher, #cucblicl wall, #aesthetic reasons, #doll, #einstein doll, #try this concept, #stock plunge

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"Alice, company policy says that personal items can not be higher than the cubicle wall." "Just out of curiousity, what is the logic behind that bizarre policy?" "We want to maintain a smooth line-of-sight for aesthetic reasons." "Let me see if I understand your point of view." "My Einstein doll makes the cubicle so hideous that our stock will plunge" "Now if I take it down..." "Gasp! It's so beautiful now! My soul is filled with music! My life has meaning!" "Yea! I just noticed that when I look at this doll and you at the same time, you look hideous."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #accessories, #busniess casual, #clothing, #dorks, #fashion, #new dress code, #powerless, #boring, #sexually irrelevant, #badeg, #asexual trespasser

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Dilbert: This is our new company dress code. We call it "Business Dorky." Dogbert: I like it because it makes you look powerless, boring, and sexually irrelevant. Dilbert: They make me wear this badge so I don't look like an asexual trespasser. Dogbert: Accessories make the outfit.

Wally's Inappropriate Attire

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Wally's Inappropriate Attire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2016's comic on:


Tags #dress code, #outfit, #crop top, #deception, #ploy, #trick, #telecommuting, #laziness, #work ethic

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Boss: That is inappropriate office attire! Go home and work remotely for the rest of the day. Dilbert: How'd it work out? Wally: Phase one was a total success. Phase two involves napping.