Hiring Pirate Comic Strips - Page 4

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View 31 - 40 results for hiring pirate comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring Pirate" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dont pay enough, #hire brilliant people, #web team, #stock options

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An employee explains to the Boss: "We don't pay enough to hire brilliant people for our web team." She continues: "I need webiot savants who don't know they should have better jobs." At a hiring interview the the applicant says: "I'd expect stock options, of course." She turns and yells, "Next!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #saved money, #hired guy, #unlucky, #many problems, #ex boyfreind, #sobers up

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The Boss introduces a new employee to Dilbert, "We saved money by hiring a guy who's had many personal problems." The Boss continues, "But we're sure he was just unlucky. No one would invite that many problems into his life." The new employee's cell phone rings. The new employee says into his cell phone, "Yes, of course your ex-boyfriend can stay with us until the choppers leave and he sobers up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #taking chance, #indoor plumbing, #teach human habits, #feral emplyee, #trained, #office

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"The feral employee" "I'm taking a chance by hiring you. Dont make me regret it." "Today, one of my seasoned professionals will teach you to use indoor plumbing." "Look! Look at me! The newspaper tucks under the arm!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hit man, #killed, #cover tracks, #endless cycle, #all free

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"The trouble with hiring a hit man is that you have to have him killed to cover your tracks." "Then you need a hit man to hit the guy who killed the hit man. It's an endless cycle!" "But ultimately, it's all free, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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All attempts to train you have failed. "But I don't want to fire you because there's a hiring freeze and I can't backfill." "So I've decided to scale back your responsibilities." "Where do you want these?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I spent this entire week unscrewing the problems created by your ambiguous communication." "Next week I hope to unscrew the problems created by your hiring of morons." "Moving on, I've made some changes to the budget." "There goes April."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #talk like idiots, #slap lipstick, #deliverable, #actionable, #underpaid

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Ratbert: Let's talk like idiots. Bob: Ha ha! You go first! Ratbert: Slap lipstick on the pig, put a stake in the ground, and view it from 30,000 feet. Bob: That deliverable is actionable. Ratbert: Wait... why do I suddenly feel like hiring you? Bob: And why do I feel underpaid?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #candy, #children, #engineers, #big companies, #good engineering, #skulk around schoolyards, #nerdy loners, #offer candy, #Family

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Boss: The big companies are hiring all of the good engineering students as soon as they graduate. We need to start earlier. I want you to skulk around school yards and try to form relationships with kids who are nerdy loners. Offer them candy. Kids love candy. Dilbert: I don't see how this plan could go wrong.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #director of change, #employees, #management, #managers & supervisors, #strategies, #business

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Boss: We're hiring a director of change management to help employees embrace strategic changes. Dilbert: Or we could come up with strategies that make sense. Then employees would embrace change. Boss: That sounds harder.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #coffee, #good managing, #horing, #ignorance (knowledge), #insulting, #managers & supervisors, #smart people, #confontation, #business

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Boss: Today I learned that the secret of good managing is hiring people who are smarter than I am. Maybe I'll try that next time.