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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #employee oreinetation, #glimmer, #mandatory training video

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Catbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I've come to give you 'employee orientation,' Wally." Wally says, "But I've worked here for years." Catbert says, "You still have a glimmer of hope. You'll have to watch this mandatory training video." Wally sits in front of a television and VCR. The video begins, "So, you still have hope . . ." Catbert massages Wally's temples and says, "Relax . . . Let it go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #cat likes petting, #Catbert, #company resources, #evil, #hr director, #pet cat, #soft furry belly, #ugly incident

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Catbert says to Tina, "It has come to my attention that you used company resources to send e-mail to your boyfriend." Catbert continues, "I'm willing to overlook this ugly incident in exchange for five minutes of quality petting on my soft, furry belly." Tina pets Catbert's stomach and says, "This seems so wrong." Catbert says, "Try using both hands."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #big layoffs coming, #secret, #cats don't keep secrets

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Catbert peers over the wall and says, "Hey, Wally . . . Big layoffs coming." Catbert continues, "I've seen the list. I know more about your future than you do. But it's a secret." Catbert says, "Sadly, cats don't keep secrets very well." Ted says to Wally, "Nice chair."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #high morale?, #hr director, #love feedback, #morale is low, #more frequent reviews, #employees underpaid

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Catbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "Morale is low because the employees are underpaid." Catbert continues, "You can compensate by having more frequent performance reviews. They love feedback." Catbert clenches his teeth and thinks, "The hardest part is keeping a straight face." The Boss says, "Tell me again why I'd want morale to be high?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil, #hr dircetor, #hire programmer, #project team, #first seek candidates, #nine qualified, #sock puppet, #policies, #designed, #sole purpose, #saditic tendencies

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Alice says to Catbert, "I need to hire a programmer for my project team." Catbert says, "Our policy is to first seek candidates from within the company. If none is qualified, you must use a sock puppet." Alice asks, "How many of your policies are designed for the sole purpose of satisfying your sadistic tendencies?" Catbert replies, "All of them. Some are just more obvious."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1996's comic on:


Tags #catbert evil hr director, #random acts, #catness, #ink suit, #appproaching, #purring, #shedding, #curl and style

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Catbert walks down the hall thinking, "I feel like committing random acts of catness." Catbert holds out his paws and thinks, "Woman in pink suit approaching . . . Activate purring and shedding." Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "So, Alice, how long does it take to curl and style a suit like that?" Wally asks, "Do you dry-clean it or just give it a perm?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #too busy, #forty hours training

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Wally sits at his desk. Catbert says, "Wally, you've been too busy to get the required forty hours of training this year." Catbert continues, "So I hired a contract employee to help you out." Wally asks, "When does he start?" Catbert replies, "Yesterday. He already finished eight hours of your training."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #like about work, #making popcorn, #microwave, #pretend tow ork, #body language, #popcorn priviledges

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Wally sits at his desk. Catbert says, "Hey, Wally, is there anything you still like about working here?" Wally replies, "Um . . . I like making popcorn in the microwave and eating it while I pretend to work." Wally says, "Your body language tells me that something evil is going to happen to my popcorn privileges." Catbert sits on the monitor and thinks, "I love my job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #all employees, #smell of popcron, #unprofessional, #banning popcorn, #tobacco, #perfum, #Wally

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Catbert stands on his desk chair and types, "To: All Employees. The smell of popcorn in the office is unprofessional . . ." Wally and Alice read the e-mail message and Alice says, "He's banning popcorn! First it was tobacco, then perfume, now this . . . There's only one pollutant left." Catbert types, ". . . This brings me to the unpleasant subject of Wally . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #get extra engineer, #project, #transfer, #loser, #comapny, #misplaced optimism

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Catbert sits at his desk and says, "There are two ways to get an extra engineer for your project." Catbert continues, "You can transfer some unqualified loser from within the company . . ." Dilbert asks, "Or?" Catbert says, "Not so fast. I like to savor the moment before I crush your misplaced optimism."