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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 1995's comic on:


Tags #teds baby shower, #gift, #hand crafted items, #three holes, #paper bag, #lovely baby dress, #cheap

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At lunch, Dilbert says to Wally, "I don't know what kind of gift to buy for Ted's baby shower." Wally responds, "Hand-crafted items are good. Cut three holes in a paper bag and you've got a lovely baby dress." Dilbert says, "He might think I'm cheap." Wally holds up the table's salt shaker and asks, "Do you think the kid has a salt shaker yet?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #posted for success, #huge earnings, #market share, #agenda, #raises difficult year, #united way, #two agenda items, #oopsie

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The Boss, Carol, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're poised for success. We expect huge earnings and increased market share!" Looking at a document, the Boss says, "Next on the agenda . . . There will be no raises because it will be a difficult year . . ." The Boss says, "Carol, I thought I told you to put the 'United Way' update between those two agenda items." Carol says, "Oopsie."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 1995's comic on:


Tags #be my couch, #dysfunctional internet connections, #huge ball yarn, #human resources, #treatment prgrams, #used as furniture, #yarn therpay, #ropes, #business

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Dilbert sits across from Catbert's desk. Dilbert asks, "Does Human Resources offer any treatment programs for people with dysfunctional internet connections?" Catbert shows Dilbert a pamphlet and says, "I recommend the 'yarn therapy.' You'll be wrapped in a huge ball of yarn and used as furniture in my office." Dilbert reads the brochure and asks, "Is this like the famous 'Ropes' course where I learn to solve problems as part of a team?" Catbert replies, "Exactly, except here you learn to be my couch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 1990's comic on:


Tags #bob, #bob's classy clothes, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #retail, #salesman, #shrink, #washer

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Dilbert walks into "Bob's Classy Clothes." Dilbert wears a pair of huge pants. He asks the salesperson, ". . . And you're quite certain these will shrink to fit?" The salesman replies, "You have my word as a retail salesman." Dilbert walks out of the store with a shopping bag. Dilbert shows Dogbert the pants. Dogbert says, "You were taken." Dilbert replies, "No, they shrink in the wash." Dilbert stands in front of the washing machine. Dogbert asks, "Will they fit now?" Dilbert replies, "Like a glove . . ." Dilbert holds the shrunken pants on his hand. He thinks, "Like a glove with two fingers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #television, #remote, #hand, #channels, #clicking, #armchair, #freedom, #consumerism

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Dilbert sits in his chair watching television. As he clicks through the channels with the remote control, he thinks, "Uh-oh . . ." Dilbert thinks, "I'm paralyzed by the television." Dilbert thinks, "I'm uninterested in the shows, yet I can't stop clicking through all the channels." Dogbert sits on his pillow in the other room. Dilbert shouts, "Dogbert! Help! Come quickly!!" Dilbert yells, "Do something! Knock the remote out of my hand!!" Dogbert tackles Dilbert's arm and the remote control flies out of his hand. Dilbert stands up and cries, "I'm free!! I'm free!!" Dogbert sits on the hassock clicking through the tv channels.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 1996's comic on:


Tags #bag of toys, #Dogbert, #dogbert 2000, #huge market, #operating system, #plastic important, #software, #software developers, #silicon, #engineering

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The caption says, "Dogbert meets with software developers." Dogbert sits at a table with a laptop that is hooked up to an overhead projector. Dogbert says, "Note the huge market for software that runs on the 'Dogbert 2000' operating system." Dogbert reaches into a bag and says, "But who cares? The important thing is that I brought a bag of toys." As the software developers play with the toys, Dogbert thinks, "Some say the computer industry is built on silicon. I think foam and plastic are equally important."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 1996's comic on:


Tags #angels dance in head, #fault, #huge number, #jeopardizing, #prototype, #quality assurance, #schedule, #tree falls forest

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The Boss says to Ratbert, "In the short time you've worked in quality assurance, you've found a huge number of flaws in our prototype." Ratbert replies, "That's my job!" The Boss continues, "You're jeopardizing our schedule. The entire project will fail and it's all YOUR fault." Ratbert asks, "Why is it MY fault?" The Boss replies, "If a tree falls in the forest . . . And we've already sold the tree . . . Does it have quality?" Ratbert asks, "How many angels can dance on your head?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 1996's comic on:


Tags #school for interpersonal skills, #Dogbert, #good relationships, #huge phony, #three fundamentals, #loud, #simple, #smiley, #low pressure system, #weather

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Dogbert stands at the front of a room and says, "The secret to good relationships is to be a huge phony." Dilbert and Wally sit in the class. Dogbert clicks a remote control and says, "Let's practice the three fundamentals." A slide projection lists, "Loud, Simple, Smiley." Wally shouts, "Hey, how about that low-pressure system, huh?!!" Dogbert stands on a stool and says, "Again, but this time say 'weather.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 1996's comic on:


Tags #improvement, #document, #errors, #huge blinking red lights, #ambulance as warning

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Alice sits at her desk. Asok tells her, "I found many areas for improvement in your document, Alice." Asok continues, "I'm only an intern, but these error stand out like huge, red, blinking lights." Asok continues, "You could put this on top of an ambulance as a warning." Alice rolls up her sleeve as if she is about to punch Asok. She says, "I was thinking the same thing about you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 1996's comic on:


Tags #enter profession, #huge difference, #self esteem, #corporate trainer, #downsizing

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Ratbert sits on a file cabinet and tells Dilbert, "I'm going to enter a profession that will make a huge difference in my self-esteem." Ratbert continues, "I'll be a corporate trainer in a company that's downsizing." Dilbert asks, "Are you sure that will raise your self-esteem?" Ratbert asks, "Why would I want to RAISE it?"