Huge Risk Comic Strips - Page 4
284 Results for Huge Risk
View 31 - 40 results for huge risk comic strips. Discover the best "Huge Risk" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share September 15, 1997's comic on:
Wally sits at his computer. The man standing behind him says, "I am Mordac the Refuser. I am here to dicuss your request for a computer upgrade." Mordac eats Wally's request, shoving the paper into his mouth loudly. Wally is mortified. Mouth full of paper, Mordac says, "We lotht thuh pahperwuhk.(We lost the paperwork.)" Wally holds a stack of paper and says, "That's a huge surprise. Luckily I made seventy-five extra copies."
Share October 13, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert sits on the couch. Dogbert says, "I'm starting a mutual fund for investors who aren't bright enough to know their alternatives." Dogbert says, "It must be a huge market. Otherwise most people would invest in index funds." Dilbert asks, "What's an index fund?" Dogbert wags his tail and says, "Ouch, ouch!! You're making me wag too hard!"
Share November 08, 1997's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "We'll need a risk analysis on this project before I can approve it." He hands Dilbert some papers. Dilbert types on his computer: Risk 1 Indecisiveness, Risk 2 Overanalysis, Risk 3: Cluelessness, Rik 4: Micromanagement... The Boss says, "I don't understand these risks,." Dilbert says, "That's number thirty-six."
Share December 19, 1997's comic on:
In a meetin, Dilbert says, "My project has hit a little snag." Dilbert says, "Our North Elbonian contracts stole our military technology for their belligerent homeland. They're building a huge laser to vaporize us." Alice's eyes bulge out. The Boss says, "Next year, remind me to include contract employees in the team-building workshop." Alice says, "The floor is warm!"
Share December 20, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert says, ",,,The North Elbonians stole our military technology. We think they're building a huge laser to use against us." Dogbert says, "Ask Tina the Tech Writer to create a user manual for them. Remind Tina how the North Elbonians treat women." Caption: Later in North Elbonia. The Elbonians line up in front of the barrel of a large laser gun. The guy in front reads "Okay... the timer is set... we're lined up in single file.. now we sing a Helen Reddy song."
Share January 08, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss peers around the corner and says, "Congratulations!" The Boss continues, "You've been named 'floor warden.'" The Boss explains, "In the event of a fire we'll rely on your leadership to get us out safely." Dilbert says, "Let me see if I understand this . . ." Dilbert continues, "YOU're the leader when it involves uninformed decisions in return for huge stock options." Dilbert continues, "But I'M the leader when it comes to rishing death in a highrise inferno while you scramble over the ashen backs of fallen co-workers." Dilbert asks, "What makes you think your life is worth more than mine?" The Boss replies, "I've got stock options and you're a floor warden." Dilbert says, "Don't expect any CPR."
Share July 30, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally stands behind him and says, "Our new VP says he has an 'open door policy.' Let's check it out." Wally and Dilbert peer into the VP's office. Dilbert says, "Knock knock." Dilbert says, "Hi ho. Nothing important. We just wanted to drop in." The VP sits at his desk reading a document. Wally says, "This open door policy is great. Our last VP was aloof." Dilbert asks, "Are those sourballs?" Wally says, "Look at the furniture in here!" Dilbert stuffs candy into his mouth and says, "I call couch!" The VP asks, "Is there something I can do for you?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Well . . . Sometimes our cubicles are too hot." Wally sits in a chair and adds, "Could you have somebody look into it?" Dilbert and Wally leave the office looking frightened. Dilbert says, "Boy, those sourballs sure lull you into a false sense of security." Wally says, "The man is like a huge insincere spider."
Share August 13, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a desk and says, "Here's how your marketing department can help retain your best engineers." The caption says, "Marketing gets an idea." A man points to a diagram and says, "We'll leverage our technology by building ant farms." The caption says, "Spreadsheets make the idea look profitable." The Boss and the man sit at a conference table. The man says, "The ant milk alone will be a positive NPV!" The Boss replies, "Wow!" He thinks, "What's an NPV?" The caption says, "Don't forget the 'worst case scenario.'" The man says, "Worst case, somebody builds a gigantic magnifying glass next door." The man contines, "Solution: bite-sized ant jerky!" The Boss says, "There's no risk!" The caption says, "An engineer will be assigned to the project." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Ant farms! Do it!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The caption says, "The engineer will challenge the assumptions." Dilbert says, "You can't get a gallon of milk from an ant!" The Boss asks, "What do YOU know about marketing?" The caption says, "Result: the engineer will never leave the company." An interviewer asks Dilbert, "So . . . Your current job is 'Ant Farm Engineer'?" Dilbert thinks, "I'm doomed."
Share March 30, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert sits on the couch next to Dilmom. Dilbert says, on the phone, "Dogbert, Mom told Bill Gates she uses the "Linux" operating system!" Dogbert stand at a large control panel which included a radar screen. Dogbert says, "I'm tracking four incoming missles. I'll launch our anti-miscrosoft weapons to intercept." Three reporters fly through the air towards a missle that has "MS" on its side. One of thre reporters says, "I wondered why a press conference was being held in a huge catapult."
Share April 08, 1999's comic on:
The boss stands behind Asok who is at his computer. The boss says, "Do you have the udget calculated yet, Asok?" Asok says, "I need to double-check the numbers." The boss says, "Give me a copy now. I'll mentally adjust for the possibilty the numbers are wrong." Asok says, "Am I making a huge mistake?" The boss says, "This six is probaly an upside-down nine."