Illusions Of Progress Comic Strips - Page 4

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44 Results for Illusions Of Progress

View 31 - 40 results for illusions of progress comic strips. Discover the best "Illusions Of Progress" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, ignorance (knowledge), progress, key to success, hire, business is successful, circular reasoning

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Dogbert: What is the key to success? CEO: Hire the right employees! Dogbert: How do you know you hired the right ones? CEO: You know because the business is successful. Dogbert: So the key to success is circular reasoning? CEO: Yes, because circular reasoning is the key.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, progress, policy, promote from within, better plans, business

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Boss: Our policy is to promote from within. Dilbert: How will you backfill the jobs of the people you promoted? Boss: From within. Dilbert: That's one of your better plans.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, ignorance (knowledge), project team, forrest fire, dropping baby, analogy, available people, stop progress

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Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.

Not That Invested In Your Success

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Not That Invested In Your Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, communication, excuse, excuses

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Wally: I made no progress on your project because I was waiting to ask you some questions. Coworker: You could have emailed me. Or texted me. Or stopped by my desk. Wally: I"m not that invested in your success.

No Progress On Writing The Novel

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No Progress On Writing The Novel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags writing, writer, talent, frustration, writers block, self esteem, self deprecation, depression, psychology

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Dogbert: How's your novel coming along? Dilbert: I'm off to a slow start. All I did this week is stare at a blank screen and feel bad about my lack of talent. Dogbert: Maybe try writing something. Dilbert: I have to think that would make things worse.

Dilbert Is Barely Trying

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Dilbert Is Barely Trying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jobs, progress, problems, expectations

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Dogbert: I've notice that you go to work every day and yet the world is still a boiling cesspool of terribleness. It's as if you're not even trying. Dilbert: I gotta go. I'm late for doing nothing useful. Dogbert: I'm already forgetting your name.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jargon, speech, words, nonsense, training, trainee, strategy, laziness

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Boss: Wally, I want you to train our new hire. Wally: The first thing you need to know is that we never use the DPX system when the MGB is down. Man: The... what and the what? Wally: Hold your questions till the end. You can use our PX4 to tunnel into the B9 data and produce at TMNP report. But you'll need authorization from the LDG and the MICOO. Man: I don't understand any of that! Wally: I toldy you to hold your questions until the end. Always remember to jost the primpram whenever the gip is fleeming toward kilp. Man: Maybe I should ask someone else to train me. Wally: Now we're making progress.

Secret Red File

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Secret Red File - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, deception, con, stalemate, bluffing, forgetful

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Boss: What did you accomplish this month? Wally: I made a lot of progress on the secret red file project that you gave me. Boss: Remind me what project that is. Wally: You made me promise I wouldn't tell you.

Delegating

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Delegating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags workload, productivity, progress

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Dilbert: I worked all weekend and finished my project early. Now I don't have all of that stress hanging over me. Feels great! Unless you plan to punish me for my productivity. Boss: I call it delegating.

Be Creative With Funding

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Be Creative With Funding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget, creativity, funding, money, progress, trick

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Dilbert: I couldn't do any work this week because you forgot to ask for funding for my project. Boss: Stop making excuses. Be creative. Ted: Why do you want to know my project charge code? Dilbert: Just curious.