Income Level Comic Strips - Page 4
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"We're not 'level conscious' here." "You could walk up to any vice president's office and talk to his secretary as if you were an equal." "Which, by the way, you're not. So don't try to make direct eye contact."
"Hey, Dilbert! How would you like to go to lunch?" "Alone." "Alone! Ha ha! but then you'd miss out on this great opportunity!" "It's multi-level marketing plus a diet plan suggested by the bible!" "Shoot me."
"Research has shown that happiness is not related to one's absolute level of wealth." "What matters is one's relative wealth compared to other people." "So, if I do a good job, could you cut this guy's pay?"
Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?
Dilbert: Studies show that companies with a high level of trust in employees also perform the best. Boss: If you ever start performing well, I'll trust you, too. Dilbert: This didn't go the way I hoped. Boss: What kind of scam are you trying to pull?
Monster: The best part of being a sadistic monster is that my job is to write the income tax code. Look how complicated I made it. Hee hee! Dogbert: You do good work, Stanky. Monster: But is it regressive enough? Dogbert: It's like we share a brain because you keep saying what I'm thinking.
An Elbonian says, "I assure you that your new Elbonian management will not discriminate against non-Elbonians." Someone says, "Doesn't your belief system hold that all non-Elbonians are on the same level as livestock?" The Elbonian says, "Someone is starting off on the wrong hoof with his new supervisor."
The Boss says, "Dilbert, explain to Logan the technical issue in terms he can understand." Dilbert says, "Sure. What's his comprehension level? Are we talking human, squirrel or anvil?" The Boss says, "Which one am I?" Dilbert says, "Don't make this awkward." The Boss says, "Did the squirrel go to a community college?"
The Boss says, "Ken, you've almost reached your sales bonus level with time to spare." The Boss says, "Obviously I set your bonus threshold too low. I'll need to adjust it upward retroactively." Ken says, "Maybe I'm just a great salesperson!" The Boss says, "That's the spirit! Stay hungry!"
The Boss says, "I reject your proposal." Dilbert says, "Is there any particular reason this time?" The Boss says, "At my level of management I don't have the authority to approve anything important." The Boss says, "But I do have the authority to reject things." The Boss says, "If I don't reject proposals, there's nothing for me to do." The Boss says, "If I do nothing I'll get fired. I might never get another job. I could starve to death." The Boss says, "So I have to reject everything you propose or else I might die." Dilbert says, "What am I supposed to do now?" The Boss says, "Can you rephrase that question in the form of a proposal?"