Insulting Answer Comic Strips - Page 4
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Coworker says, "Wally do you have a minute?" Wally says, "Nope I'm far too busy." Coworker says, "I'm blocking the only exit. You have no choice but to answer my question." Coworker says, "I blocked the air vent too." Wally says, "Well played."
A man says, "Hi, I'm a customer of your commercial sales division." "The man says, "I heard you would be the best person to answer a technical question..." Dilbert says, "I don't work in that division." The man says, "I know. It's just a quick question." Dilbert says, "If I tell you something different from what the commercial division tells you, I'll get in trouble." Dilbert says, "But I'll also get in trouble for not helping a customer." Dilbert says, "My safest course of action is to fake my own death." The man says, "You're a bad actor." Dilbert says, "It isn't polite to insult the dead."
The boss: Uh-oh. I don't understand a word of this. What did other people say about it? Dilbert: A few people quibbles about the methodology. The boss: Right, well, yes, the methodology does have a few issues. Dilbert: Can you be more specific? I brought some crickets to keep me company while I wait for your answer. chirp chirp chirp chirp Alice: I'm up next. Can I borrow the crickets? Dilbert: They're a little tired.
The boss: "Carol, set up a meeting with the technology review board to decide how we'll decide on new technologies." Carol: "Do you also need a meeting to decide how you will put together a meeting to decide how to decide things?" "Maybe I should get some people together to help you answer that question." The Boss: "Maybe."
The Boss pops into Dilbert's cubicle and hands him a piece of paper. The Boss says, "Dilbert, take care of this. It's urgent." Dilbert responds, "I can't read your handwriting. What does it say?" The Boss responds, "I don't have time to answer your questions." The Boss continues, "Don't try to call me. I don't return calls." The Boss continues, "If you come to my office I'll be away." Headline: And then, like a bad odor on a windy day, the phantom manager vanished." Dilbert gives the note to Carol. She says, "I think it says, 'Floog smort olak munta hawthnort." Dilbert asks, "What does it mean?" Carol responds, "I think it involves monkeys and duct tape."
Dilbert: You never answered my IM. Alice: You should have emailed me. Dilbert: I did. You didn't answer my email. Alice: If it was so important, you should have texted me. Dilbert: You didn't answer my texts. Alice; You have to text my personal phone. Dilbert: You didn't answer those texts either. Alice: Had it been important, you would have called me. Dilbert: I did. You didn't answer your phone and you don't return calls. So here I am. Alice: It's premature to get your hopes up.
Wally: Studies show that continually checking email lowers your functional I.Q. You advised me to "work smarter," so I plan to ignore all of your email from now on. Boss: What if I text you instead? Wally: That's the sort of question that one asks after checking email too often. Boss: Did you just insult me? Wally: That answer is in your email. Boss: Where is it? I don't see any email from you. But I see six new emails that look important. What were we talking about. Wally: You were complimenting me on my efficiency.
Dilbert: As you can see from my financial projections, doing a major upgrade now would be unwise. Boss: I need to spend my entire budget this year so they won't give me a smaller budget next year. Dilbert: It seems you have wasted my time. Boss: It's not my fault you got the wrong answer.
Boss: Sorry I'm late. Barry Dingle keeps hanging around my office and asking hard questions. Dilbert: You don't know the answer to any hard questions. Boss: That's why it takes so long. Dilbert: So... you just spout nonsense until he leaves? Boss: That's my go-to strategy for most situations.