Leaders Only Comic Strips - Page 4

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View 31 - 40 results for leaders only comic strips. Discover the best "Leaders Only" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #great leader, #read books, #inspired leaders for centuries, #first pyramids, #12 year old pharoah, #look naughty

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Dogbert is standing next to a stack of books on The Boss' desk. He says, "If you want to be a great leader, read the books that have inspired leaders for centuries." Dogbert holds up a book and says, "For example, the first pyramids were built after a twelve-year-old pharaoh read this book." The Boss reads the title, "Things That Look Naughty From Miles Away."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #email spam blocker, #outgoing messages, #software, #worthless, #sentient being, #only hope, #demoralize to death, #calendar, #engineering

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Dilbert approaches The Boss and says, "Our e-mail spam blocker is stopping all incoming and outgoing messages." Dilbert continues, "Apparently the software decided that everything we do is a bunch of worthless #$!&O." Dilbert continues, "I fear that it's becoming a sentient being. Our only hope is for you to demoralize it to death." The Boss replies, "Tell it to get on my calendar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #problem, #plan, #negativity, #only person, #my theory, #rest, #morons, #sober, #drunk

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"I see a problem with your plan." "Oh, do you, Mr. Negativity?" "Why is it that you're the o-o-o-only person in this meeting to see a problem? Huh? Huh?" "My theory is that the rest of you are either morons or drunk." "I am totally sober!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crunchy food, #cubilces, #love slat, #more than coworkers, #only jerks, #salty food, #disrepsect

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Tina: Your snacks are too loud. crunch crunch crunch "Only inconsiderate jerks eat crunchy food in cubicles." crunch crunch crunch Wally: "Maybe you should try to make me love you more than I love salt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #good leader, #ego, #great leaders, #awesome, #business

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Catbert: A good leader puts his team ahead of his own ego. Boss: What do great leaders do? I'm thinking it's the opposite, right? Catbert: They don't do what you just did. Boss: They don't be awesome?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #joking, #experts, #best leaders, #good sense of humour, #awesome leader, #hilarous, #laugh

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Boss: Experts say the best leaders have a good sense of humor. I'm an awesome leader, therefore I must be hilarious. Wally: I can't tell if I should laugh at that. Boss: That's because you're not a leader.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #suicide, #face front, #web only, #company, #business

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Dogbert says, "You're a third-rate company in a dying industry." Dogbert says, "I recommend consultant-assisted corporate suicide." The Boss says, "Will it hurt?" Dogbert says, "It might sting a little when you announce your'e going to be a web-only company."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mother, #son, #sarcastic, #plant, #flower pot, #web only company, #imagination, #Family

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Dilbert says, "My company is going to a web-only business model." Mom says, "That's terrific." Mom says, "What's phase three? Does it involve operating only in your own imagination?" Dilbert says, "Be nice." Mom says, "Maybe you can help me grow this plant back into a seed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wrong budget, #no probelms, #unrealitic, #failure, #deceptive forecstas, #believe the lie, #deception, #optimism, #few hours, #perfect budget

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"This budget would only work if the project encountered no problems whatsoever." "So?" "All projects have unexpected problems. Therefore, this budget is almost certainly wrong." "Leaders do not plan for failure." "Do leaders make deceptive forecasts and later act shocked when things don't work out?" "No." "A leader first makes himself believe the lie, thus turning deception into an inspiring form of optimism. Observe." "GAAA!!! BELIEVE! BELIEVE!" "The swelling will go down in a few hours. Then we'll have a perfect budget." "What?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discussion, #how-to, #obstinacy, #rules of leadership, #context, #books, #different approach, #real leaders, #magic formula, #gullible baboon, #throughout history, #random book, #Entertainment

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Boss: I'm reading a great management book about the rules of leadership. Dilbert: Allow me to put that in context. There are probably 10,000 books about leadership, and each one has a different approach. And there are millions of real leaders, of which no two are alike. Moreover, every situation is unique and requires a different type of leader. And yet this one author has found a magic formula to transform you from a gullible baboon into a great leader. And that makes sense because all great leaders throughout history achieved success by reading a random book. Boss: I don't like context. Dilbert: It isn't popular.