Listed Reasons Comic Strips - Page 4
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Ted, Dilbert, Alice and the boss are sitting in a meeting. Ted says: "I quantified our marketing strategy because you insisted." Ted holds up a sheet of paper with lists on it and says: "I listed the pros and cons on this sheet." Ted says to Dilbert: "Then I added up the columns." Ted puts the sheet of paper on the table and says: "The pros outnumber the cons, so we're going forward." Dilbert has the sheet of paper in his hands now and says to Ted: "Let's see. Your cons include...unhealthy and unprofitable. Dilbert keeps reading from the sheet of paper and says: "Your pros are...waffles, eggs, bananas and milk." Ted says to Dilbert: "Oops. That might be my grocery list." Ted gets angry and shakes his arm with the sheet of paper up and down and screams to Dilbert: "You fool! I told you quantification never works!!"
The Boss says to Wally, "I have an assignment for you that has no value whatsoever to the company." The Boss continues, "For reasons of company politics, I need to pretend I'm doing something in that area." Wally approaches Dilbert and says, "So, you're doing actual work. What's that all about?"
"This is my nemesis, pointy-haired Carl. He manages our software division." "Write up some reasons why he should report to me. I'll secretly give it to our Vice President." "Start by saying there's no real difference between hardware and software." "I'm unclean!"
"Hi. I'm your new nemesis." "The nemesis function used to be handled informally. Now it's a profession, kind of like project management." "Stand by while I prepare my nemesis face and look for reasons to thwart you." sigh
Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?
Dilbert: Can you email the test data to me? Coworker: We don't do it that way. Dilbert: That's not a reason. Coworker: I never give reasons. Dilbert: Nothing you say means anything! Coworker: That's how we've always done it.
Coworker: I'm the new bad apple. I'll be joining your project. In the interest of full disclosure, this is totally contagious. Wally: I'm immune, but not for reasons I'm proud of. Coworker: You must be Wally.
Dilbert says, "The math clearly shows that our project won't work, even if we do everything right." The Boss says, "It's embarrassing to cancel a project in the middle. Let's act dumb and hope someone in upper management cancels it for budget reasons." Dilbert says, "Should I stop buying stuff?" The Boss says, "You should buy twice as much."
Dilbert says, "We realized our project can't work even if we execute it perfectly." Dilbert says, "Our boss' plan is to go over budget, attract attention, and hope an executive cancels our project for his own political reasons." Dogbert says, "Now do you agree that evil is the cure for incompetence?" Dilbert says, "Don't make me say it."
The Boss says, "As lead software engineer, I give you the first unit of our ten thousand copy production run." Dilbert says, "Wow! I wish we'd designed it with the features listed on the box. That would have been awesome." The Boss says, "What?" Dilbert says, "I'll put this with the other reminders of how my life could have been excellent."