Mandatory Stretch Comic Strips - Page 4
52 Results for Mandatory Stretch
View 31 - 40 results for mandatory stretch comic strips. Discover the best "Mandatory Stretch" comics from Dilbert.com.
boss: dilbert, what have you accomplished since our planning meeting? dilbert: the planning meeting was this morning. all i've done since then is take a mandatory training class on stapler safety. boss: but now you're fresh and ready for the fight? dilbert: only if it's a stapler fight.
Boss: We told our Elbonian factory to be more green, so they turned off their AC units. The heat caused the elastic bands in their hats to stretch until their eyes were covered. And that's why we'll miss our ship date. CEO: They say you shouldn't shoot the messenger, but no one warns you how much you'll want to.
Dogbert sits across from a customer service representative in a bank. The woman says, "Well, Mr. Dogbert, what could I do to convince you to put your new wealth in our bank?" Dogbert replies, "Stretch your polyester pants over the top of your head." As the woman pulls her pants over her head, Dogbert says, "I hope money doesn't change me."
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "This job has taken my dignity, my self-esteem, my creativity and my precious time on this earth." The man continues, "You've taken all I have! There's nothing left to give!!!" The Boss says, "The blood drive is next week. This year it's mandatory . . . And a three-pint minimum."
Dilbert enters a conference room and asks, "Is this the meeting?" People at the table mumble a response. Dilbert says, "Good." A man says, "Everybody take a copy of the agenda." Dilbert reads the agenda and thinks, "I'm in the wrong meeting . . . Now it's too awkward to leave." Dilbert thinks, "I'll casually stretch my arms, flick the lights off and escape under cover of dark." Dilbert turns the light off. Several people say, "Ouch!" Five people lie on top of each other in the doorway. The man says, "Oh, sorry, wrong agenda." Dilbert arrives at home wearing tattered clothing. He tells Dogbert, "I'm starting to think that the problem with our economy is deeper than high interest rates."
Catbert sits on his desk. Alice says to him, "The mandatory upaid overtime is immoral. It's destroying the quality of my life." Catbert replies, "Alice, Alice, Alice . . . Companies are designed to maximize stockholder value, not employee happiness." Alice says, "Maybe the head of Human Resources should be a human." Catbert replies, "Privately I refer to myself as the Director of Disgruntled Cat Toys."
Catbert: "According to this report, our employees are afraid to take risks." The Boss: "We can train them to take risks by giving them stretch goals and punishing them for failing!" Catbert: "We did that to raise morale." The Boss: "It stopped all the complaining, didn't it?"
The boss says, "Until the economy improves, we are instituting a mandatory week off every quarter." The boss says, "At least you'll have more time with your families." Ted says, Nooo!!! Not my family!!!" The boss says, "Problems at home?" Ted says, "May I please work without pay?"
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Until the company returns to profitability I will only fly coach." Dogbert says, "I'll book three coach seats in a row so I can stretch out." Dogbert says, "One of you will be a Sherpa for my bedding." Dogbert says, "I'll bring my own air marshal to punch anyone who talks while I'm napping." Dogbert says, "And a videographer so I can see the playback when I wake up."