Met Objectives Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

78 Results for Met Objectives

View 31 - 40 results for met objectives comic strips. Discover the best "Met Objectives" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 1989's comic on:


Tags #helen, #asking, #date, #Women, #first-strike, #capability

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert picks up a ringing phone. Dilbert says, "Hello." The voice on the phone says, "This is Helen. We've never met but don't even THINK of asking me for a date . . . ever." Helen hangs up. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Women got first-strike capability." Dogbert says, "Surrender."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #woman, #dream, #phone number

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table drinking coffee. Dilbert says, "I'm so mad at myself this morning." Dilbert continues, "Last night I dreamed I met a beautiful woman." Dogbert asks, "So what's the problem?" Dilbert replies, "I forgot to get her phone number."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 1989's comic on:


Tags #love & dating, #Dilbert, #poem, #woman, #love, #legs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk writing and Dogbert watches him. Dilbert says, "I'm writing a poem for a woman I just met. Women love poems." Dilbert reads the poem entitled, "Your Legs." Dilbert reads, "How wonderful your legs are, / You can even ask my mutt . . ." Dilbert continues to read, "'Cause if you didn't have 'em, / the ground would hit your butt."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 1992's comic on:


Tags #alien, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #space, #television, #leaders, #world, #world domination, #parking space, #elevator, #reckless, #prank, #translator

View Transcript

Transcript

A television news reporter says into her microphone, "The leaders of the world met today to consider the demands of Dogbert the Space Alien." At the United Nations, a world leader says, "All in favor of letting the alien run the world raise your hand." The caption says, "Meanwhile in the translators' booth, a reckless prank is being played." Three translators with headsets sit at a table. One translator says, "He says, 'Who wants my parking space by the elevator?'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #ratbert, #neuroscience

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the hassock. Dogbert asks, "Ratbert, did you know that your brain automatically coordinates millions of activities every second?" Dogbert says, "Imagine if it got just a little bit confused - all those neurons firing randomly . . ." Ratbert waves his arms and legs uncontrollably. Dogbert says, "You don't add much to a conversation, but you're easily the best listener I've ever met." Ratbert screams as he falls off the hassock.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 1994's comic on:


Tags #use tail, #operate mouse, #engineers, #no tail, #rocky, #new programmer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Zimbu, you're not supposed to use your tail to operate the mouse. If tails were a natural advantage for engineers then evolution would provide usual with tails! The Boss: Dilbert, I don't believe you've met Rocky, out new C programmer.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 1995's comic on:


Tags #salary deonds, #Opinion, #interest in understanding, #dogcart relations, #hype performance

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to the Boss, "My salary depends on your opinion of my work. But you have no interest in understanding what I do, so . . ." Dogbert enters carrying a briefcase. Dilbert gestures toward him and says, "I hired the Dogbert Public Relations Firm to hype my performance and get me a big raise." Dogbert hands the Boss a document and says, "Press release: engineer cures cancer while saving baby from burning building." The Boss says, "That's not in his objectives."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #ignored recommendations, #inadequate, #make system work, #saving money, #get fired

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "So, you ignored my recommendation and bought a low-cost system that's totally inadequate . . ." Dilbert holds up a document and continues, "You compensated for this blunder by making it part of MY objectives to make the system work . . ." Dilbert concludes, "You'll get a bonus for saving money. I'll get fired, thus saving more money and earning you ANOTHER bonus." The Boss replies, "I'm on a roll."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 1996's comic on:


Tags #one year project, #boss three months, #great confidence, #padded estimate, #hate guts, #keep raises low, #dip in motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert follows the Boss into his office and says, "I told you this project would take a year. But on my objectives you say I must have it done in three months." Dilbert continues, "Which of these reasons best describes why: A. You have great confidence in me. B. You think I padded my estimate. C. You hate my guts." The Boss responds, "We don't really need the project. It's just a way to keep raises low." Dilbert says, "I just felt a little dip in my motivation."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #move project, #due date, #reach objective, #perfromance

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Wally, I've decided to move your project due date up a month." Wally responds angrily, "Every time it looks like I'll reach an objective, you move it! What does this prove about my performance?" The Boss answers, "It proves I'm better at setting objectives than you are at achieving them."