Never Produced Anything Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

895 Results for Never Produced Anything

View 31 - 40 results for never produced anything comic strips. Discover the best "Never Produced Anything" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 1995's comic on:


Tags #laptop in case, #anything lighter, #delete files, #technically

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss carries a laptop in a case. He says to Wally, "This laptop computer weighs too much. Do we have anything lighter?" Wally asks, "Why don't you just delete files to lower the weight on that one?" As he works on the laptop the Boss says, "That's a thought." Wally says, "Technically, I only asked why not."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1995's comic on:


Tags #never time lunch, #men are early, #upgrading pcs, #paid off, #effieciency, #hungry, #secrets

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice walks over and says, "Why is it that I never have time to eat but you MEN are in here every day at 11:35?" Wally replies, "Because the hours we spent upgrading our PCs have finally paid off by greatly improving our efficiency." After Alice has left the table, Dilbert says to Wally, "I thought it was because we get hungry at 11:30?" Wally replies, "We can't reveal all our secrets."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #never answered email, #secretary out, #message on hardcopy, #out of paprus, #chiseled on pyramid, #ufos?

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert peers out of his cubicle and says to the Boss as he walks by, "You never answered my e-mail." The Boss says, "My secretary is out, so there's nobody to print my e-mail for me. Bring me your message on hardcopy." Dilbert enters the Boss's office holding a small pyramid and says, "I was out of papyrus so I chiseled my message on a little pyramid." The Boss thinks, "Did he work alone or were UFOs involved?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #records retention, #valuable documents, #stored, #so much easier, #asks for anything

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert approaches a door that is labeled, "Records Retention." In the Records Retention Office, Dilbert hands a pile of documents to the librarian and says, "These valuable documents should be stored for five years." As he throws the documents in the trash bin, the librarian thinks, "This job got so much easier when I realized that nobody ever asks for anything back."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 1995's comic on:


Tags #nest paper towels, #call 911, #never know, #would have worked

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is standing in front of the copying machine. Reaching inside the copier, a man says, "Here's the problem. We've got a whole nest of paper trolls." The man yells as he is being pulled into the machine, "AAIIEE!" Dilbert thinks, "If I call 911 now I'll never know if the lower paper tray would have worked."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 1997's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #alice, #working during vacation, #remain motivated, #glass ceiling, #never break

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok the intern stands behind Alice, who is dressed casually and sits at her computer. Asok says, "I admire your work ethic, Alice. You're even working during your vacation." Alice grimaces and grits her teeth. Asok continues, "It must be hard to remian motivated when you know you can never break though the glass ceiling." Alice grimaces some more. Asok's body dangles from the ceiling through a mass of tiles and wiring. Alice looks up at him and says,"So, it looks like it's just tile after all."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 1997's comic on:


Tags #money chetter, #dogbert mutual fund, #highest perfromer, #read anything, #tv show, #financial reports

View Transcript

Transcript

A television anchorman sits next to Dogbert and looks into the tv camera. He says, "My guest today on "Money Chatter" is the head of the "Dogbert Mutual Fund." The anchorman reads from a paper and says, "It's reported that your fund is the highest performer of the decade. Tell us how you made that happen." Dogbert says, "Okay." Dogbert says, Apparently, this guy will read anything you hand him." The anchor's eyes bulge out.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 1998's comic on:


Tags #skeptics association, #psychic rat, #passport, #drivers licence, #fake id, #dna test, #never been cloned

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is talking on the telephone and says, "Is this Skeptics Association? I need your help to prove my rat isn't psychic." Dilbert holds the phone and says, "My name is Dilbert. Yes, I can prove it; I have a pssport and a driver's license. Well, yeah. It's easy to get a fake ID, but..." Hours later... Dilbert is still on the phone, his hair is a mess and he says, "...Okay, what if I take a DNA test? No, I can't prove I've never been cloned!!" He's angry.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #statistics, #productivity, #computers, #software, #program, #conclusion, #produced, #impressive, #crashed, #decline, #responsible, #scapegoat

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk and says, "Government statistics show that office productivity went DOWN as computers became widely used." Dilbert continues, "But I didn't believe it." Dilbert says, "So I wrote a little software program to test that conclusion." Dilbert continues, "It only tood a month, but it produced some impressive data." Dilbert continues, "In fact, it was so impressive it took a week to figure out how to print it." Dilbert continues, "But before I could print, my computer crashed and I didn't have backup copies." Dilbert concludes, "So, it seems the government was right; computers are to blame for the decline in productivity." The Boss asks, "Do you think the employees could be partly responsible?" Dilbert replies, "Sure, find a scapegoat."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 1998's comic on:


Tags #weasel, #store clerk, #never settle, #lesser of two weasels

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Its nice , but the weasel down the street is selling it for less. Weasel: You should never settle for the lesser of two weasels. Dilbert: Now that you mention it, it did seem too convenient.