New Employee Comic Strips - Page 4
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 31 - 40 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday May 21,
2009
Tags new employee, spreadsheet, yelling, pain, bored, ridiculous
Transcript
The MBA guy Man says, "I put together a spreadsheet that might interest you." The boss says, "Ow! Ow! It's so boring, it hurts my head!" The boss says, "My brain is trying to escape through my ear!" Man says, "I get this a lot."
Friday May 22,
2009
Tags reading, witch, new employee, spreadsheet, decision, comparing, angry, offended
Transcript
The MBA verses the crazy old witch The boss says, "I don't know who to believe." The boss says, "Spreadsheets don't lie, but neither does bat excrement." The boss says, "Remind me again who ruined the economy. Was it witches?"
Saturday May 23,
2009
Tags new employee, threat, disagreement, scared
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO versus the MBA Man says, "My analysis doesn't support your strategy." Dogbert says, "My analysis says I can hire there high school dropouts to slap you until it does." Man says, "No?please, not dropouts!" Dogbert says, "They will kick your assumptions."
Monday September 07,
2009
Tags new employee, introduction, greeting, Advice, scared, regretting, ridiculous
Transcript
The Boss says, "Welcome to your first day on the job." The boss says, "Always lock your desk at night because many of your coworkers are crooks." The boss says, "And the ones that have eyes like this got hired before we did drug testing."
Friday September 11,
2009
Tags new employee, ridicule, joking, angry, hiring, downsizing, economy
Transcript
The Boss says, "Gabe was downsized when his last employer had financial troubles. I was lucky to hire him." Dilbert says, "Because they always downsize their best employees first?" Dilbert says, "Sorry. I didn't mean to put it in context."
Sunday May 24,
2009
Tags lazy, new employee, youth, argument, violence, pain, victory
Transcript
Wally says, "And obviously I can't do anything until our floom vendor updates the glimrods." Man says, "I'll bitspew a protopatch to your glimrod array and you can get right to work." Sometimes a young engineer challenges the dominant work-avoider in the herd. Wally says, "Oh, really?" Wally says, "Too bad the router isn't configured to handle protopatch server traffic." Man says, "I'll remotely reconfigure the router to think the protopatch server is a hexadulian data compressor." Wally says, "If you do that, you'll crash the firewall and expose everyone at this table to identity theft!" Tina says, "Stop that! I have enough problems!" Punch! Wally says, "Never go network on me, kid."
Sunday October 03,
2004
Tags college, emplyee, first pay check, freak out, know about her, paid in cash, dedcutions, education
Transcript
Dilbert: do you want to watch when the new employee looks at her first paycheck? Wally: ooh-ya! Wally: what do we know about her? Dilbert: She's target out of college, all of her prior jobs paid her in cash. wally: perfect. dilbertL ear guards on. My first paycheck deductions???? Hmmm. how bad could it be? WAHT THE.... Next time no coffee. eh?
Monday September 29,
2014
Tags incompetence, work culture, cultural fit, cultural incompetence, joking, new employee, introductions
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, meet Larry. He isn't terribly competent, but he's a good cultural fit. Dilbert: Hi, Larry. Thanks for reinforcing our culture of incompetence. Larry: You're joking about the incompetence, right. Boss: Sure.
Sunday May 17,
2015
Tags flirting, romance, privacy, stalking, creepy, creeper, gestures, gifts, coworkers
Transcript
The New Employee. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. I bought you a book. Woman: Okay, weird. Who buys gifts for new co-workers? And how did you know this is my favorite author? Dilbert: I asked one of the network guys to check your browser history. Catbert assured me that employees have no right to privacy. I heard that women like it when men put thought into a gift. I hope you appreciate my romantic gesture. Wally: Did she make a romantic gesture back? Dilbert: I choose to interpret it that way.
Thursday September 14,
2017
Emptiness And Pain
Tags pain, emptiness, soul, work ethic, motivation
Transcript
Dilbert: This is Randy, our new employee who has no soul. Tina: Wow. What's it like to have no soul? Randy: I feel only emptiness and pain. Tina: I hope you didn't take this job to get away from emptiness and pain. Randy: No, I just wanted to get paid for it.


