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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #reserve conference room, #everyday, #next year, #sociopath, #beat you to it, #slowest sociopath

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The Boss approaches Carol at her desk and says, "Carol, reserve the conference room every day for the next day in case I need it." Carol responds, "You're too late. Some other sociopath had the same idea and beat you to it." As The Boss walks away he thinks to himself, "I hate being the slowest sociopath."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2002's comic on:


Tags #next speaker, #athlete, #drugs, #booze, #inspirational

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The Boss says into a microphone, "Our next speaker was a famous athlete until drugs and booze ruined his life." A shaky, disheveled man walks towards The Boss and says, "Shank Hew Vewy Mush." Alice turns to The Boss and says, "It's not inspirational until he stops doing those things." The Boss asks, "What?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2002's comic on:


Tags #dogcart attorney, #too late, #change, #punish client, #expect awkward silences, #next break

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Headline: Dogbert the Attorney. Dogbert raises his hand and says, "Your honor, is it too late to change sides?" Dogbert continues, "After hearing the evidence, I want to punish my client." After a pause, Dogbert asks, "No?" The Boss glares at Dogbert. Dogbert continues, "I expect some awkward silences during the next break."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2003's comic on:


Tags #corporations, #ignore, #jumpy tactics, #laid off, #you might be next, #your imagination

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Dilbert is at home. He says to Dogbert, "I'm seeing signs that I might get laid off." Dogbert responds, "It's probably your imagination. Just ignore them." Catbert and The Boss are hanging an arrow-shaped sign that reads, "You might be next" on Dilbert's cubicle. Catbert says, "I have to admit that I like it when they're jumpy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2003's comic on:


Tags #employee of year, #awrd, #better luck, #next year, #jealousy, #unattractive

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The Boss stands at a podium and says, "The 'Employee of the Year' Award goes to.. no one." The Boss' voice continues, "Thanks for coming. Better luck next year." Dilbert and Wally are walking out. Dilbert says, "It's not as bad as the time that you won it." Wally responds, "Jealousy is unattractive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2003's comic on:


Tags #no raise, #next year, #disincentivized, #moping around, #muscles, #weak, #motovation

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Dilbert: "I can't give you the salary that you deserve because then there'd be no room for a raise next year." "I wouldn't want you to be all disincentivized, you know, just moping around." Dilbert: "Neck.. muscles.. so.. weak." The Boss: "I think motivation causes that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2003's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #product awareness class, #hands on training, #next version

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The Boss: I signed you up for a product awareness class. Dilbert: GAAA!!! The Boss: They'll give you hands on training Man: we're hoping to fix this problem in the next version.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2005's comic on:


Tags #seat, #airplane, #cannibal, #sits next to, #hairy skull, #touch, #taunts

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FISH & AMMO "Why do I always get the seat next to the cannibal?" "These guys are all the same. I know what's going to happen next." "My hairy skull isn't touching you." "Right on schedule."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #churn butter, #needs, #next budget cycle, #not in budget, #broken computer

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Dilbert says, "My computer is broken. I need a new one." The Boss says, "We don't have the budget." The Boss says, "Do things that don't require a computer until the next budget cycle." Dilbert says, "Like churning my own butter?" The Boss says, "You make it sound creepy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2008's comic on:


Tags #corporate raider, #sold assets, #sell assets, #brains and spirits, #muobu, #impaler, #next auction, #spirits

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Alice says, "A corporate raider bought the company and sold off all the assets." Dilbert says, "Well, he can sell our assets but we still have our brains and our spirits!" Dogbert says, "And the brains go to Mutobu the Impaler. Our next auction is for their spirits." BAM