Ninety Percent Comic Strips - Page 4
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View 31 - 40 results for ninety percent comic strips. Discover the best "Ninety Percent" comics from Dilbert.com.
Alice is sitting at her computer. She looks thoroughly disheveled. The Boss says to her, "Alice, all of your hard work - the nights and the weekends - are finally paying off." The Boss continues, "We increased our five-year forecast of demand by ten percent!" Alice responds, "You changed a wild guess by ten percent?" The Boss replies, "Thanks to you!"
Wally: "Workplace injuries are up ten thousand percent since I distributed the new safety manuals." "The binders have sharp edges and, apparently, a curse. I asked Asok to help put it on our website." Asok: "Hands... So numb. Eyes... Strained. Blood pressure rising..."
The boss: I have to cut your project's budget by ten percent. Dilbert: "Ten percent??" dilebrt: "That's the sort of round number you would pick if you did no thinking whatsoever." The boss: "Anything can be cut by ten percent without affecting the result." Dilbert: "Cool! I'm cutting back to 36 hours per week!"
The news says, "The inflation rate in Elbonia climbed to a billion percent." An Elbonian says, "Quickly hand me the potato and I'll tell my cousin in Phlimsk to let go of the other end of my money." Another Elbonian says, "Make it snappy." The first Elbonian says, "Bradley! I have the potato!"
Elbonian inflation reaches a billion percent, daily An Elbonian says, "Is this enough for a small?" $ Fetid water! Another Elbonian says, "A minute ago, yes. Now it costs a hundred times more." The first Elbonian says, "Problem solved."
Our enterprise software comes in two flavors. The premium package boats a friendly user interface. The economy option does the same stuff but the interface is designed to ruin your life. we'll take the cheap one. I can tell by the ay you hold the mouse that you've never had a girlfriend. I'll send romantic invitations to al the pope on the email address list. Dont worry - i"lll us etc text that I would on a great adult website. when I said that you need to give a hundred percent I shut have been more specific.
CEO: I want you to fire the employees you ranked in the bottom ten percent. Boss: Wouldn't that just put someone else in the bottom ten percent? CEO: Everything made sense until you started talking. Boss: Sorry.
Dilbert: According to my highly unreliable forecast, we're on the right track. But if even one of my seventeen assumptions is off by one percent, we are doomed. The obvious conclusion is that... Board: We're nailing it!
Wally: One percent of engineers create all of the industry - changing products. I propose replacing the other 99% with robotic arms that hold coffee cups. You won't see any of the laggards in the 99% come up with great ideas like this one.
The Boss says to Dilbert and a woman, "Our CEO is announcing a ten-percent staff reduction to cut expenses." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Question: didn't our CEO get paid twenty million dollars this year?" The Boss replies, "Yes . . ." The Boss continues, "But risky jobs deserve higher pay." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Question: didn't you say WE were getting cut?"