Options Comic Strips - Page 4

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69 Results for Options

View 31 - 40 results for options comic strips. Discover the best "Options" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags class, expenses, money, options, fire, stupid, dog, animals

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Dilbert says, "I need this class to update my skills. Will you approve the expense?" The Boss says, "Where's the analysis of alternatives?" Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "When you ask for funding, you need to tell me what my options are." Dilbert says, "Well, okay. That seems logical." Dilbert says, "Option two. Do nothing while I become increasingly unqualified for my job." Dilbert says, "Option three: replace me with someone younger who earns less than I do and already has the skills." Dilbert says, "Oh." Dilbert says, "Options are only good when other people don't have them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags options, costs too much, any research, experience thing, using technology

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Wally: I narrowed down the options to an alternative that costs too much and another that won't work. I didn't do any research. It's more of an experience sort of thing. Next week I plan to think about the option of using technology that isn't yet available."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags billion dollar line, design, ecstatic, massive design flaws, press release, proper incenives, stock options, underwater

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"I told our CEO that the design would be done in a month. He's ecstatic!" "That would be good except that I told you it won't be done for six months." "Ooh." "So, I guess you'll have to tell him." "It's too late." "He's already issued a press release. You'll have to finish the design in a month." "The only way to do it in a month is to accept massive design flaws that will destroy a billion dollar line of business." "That's okay. My stock options are so underwater that it won't make any difference." "I'll just blame all of the problems on the Chinese company that manufactures our products." "Ultimately, it's the CEO's fault for failing to give me proper incentives."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coproaret social responsibilty, cut salary, poor people, extra money, hose stock holders, hurt stock options, pollute less, bucket, river, sludge out, coffee, zesty

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Tina says to The Boss, "We need to show more corporate responsibility." The Boss replies, "Okay, I'll cut your salary and give the extra money to poor people." Tina says, "I was hoping we could hose the stockholders, not me." The Boss responds, "That would hurt my stock options." He pauses and then asks, "What if we pollute less?" Tina exclaims, "Yes, yes! That's what I'm talking about. We could pollute less!" The Boss says, "Okay, take a bucket to the river and see how much of our sludge you can get out." Tina asks, "Where would I put it?" Dilbert and Wally are at the coffee machine. Dilbert asks, "Is it just me or has the coffee improved?" Wally exclaims, "Zesty!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cowardice, terrorists, international terrorist, cancel order, big hit earnings, decimate value, stock options, transfer, poor safety record

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Dilbert: I discovered that the customer for our fleet sale of commercial drones is an international terrorist. Now we have to cancel the order, take a big hit to earnings, and decimate the value of your stock options in the company. CEO: Or... I could transfer you to a department that has a poor safety record and hope for the best.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags advertising, deception, graphic design, graphic designers, marketing, a_b testing, design options, skill set, random behavior, talent, secrets, business

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Graphic Designer. Dilbert: I'll do some A-B testing with the design options you provided. Interestingly, the fact that you can't predict which design will perform best means your skill set is mostly random behavior that you package as talent. Designer: This works better if i'm the only one who knows that.

Financial Advisor Is Surprised At How Easy It Is

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Financial Advisor Is Surprised At How Easy It Is - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags financial advisor, investing, money, stock market, swindling, convertible notes, preferred stock, call options, career ambition, ginat mosquito

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Financial Advisor. Advisor: Convertible notes... preferred stock... municipal bonds... covered call options. These are things you can never hope to understand. So trust me and try to forget that my only career ambition is to drain your account like a giant mosquito. Boss: That sounds reasonable. Advisor: I'm always surprised at how easy this is.

All Options Lead To Doom

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All Options Lead To Doom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags failure, blame, responsibility, scapegoat

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Dilbert: All of our options lead to doom. The only thing we can control is who we blame. Boss: That sounds about right. Except for the "we" part.

Multiple Choice

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Multiple Choice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags email, managers & supervisors, options, reply, business

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dilbert: i sent you an email with three options, and you replied "yes" boss: i don't remember it. send it to me again dilbert: oookay email: which option do you prefer? boss types: yes

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, brochures, quiz, toaster, disk, drive, printer, emergency, electronics anonymous

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "Please read these brochures, it could save your life." Dilbert looks at a brochure and asks, "'Electronics Anonymous?'" Dogbert says, "Let's take the enclosed quiz. Number one: How many options do you have on your toaster?" Dilbert asks, "Does that include the toaster disk drive and printer?" Dogbert says, "I think we can skip directly to the emergency application form."