Past 3 Months Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

310 Results for Past 3 Months

View 31 - 40 results for past 3 months comic strips. Discover the best "Past 3 Months" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #calls friends, #erases disc drives, #fix the bugs, #glitter, #network, #premier software, #six months, #software, #quickprotect, #swears at you, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally and a woman from marketing sit at a conference table. The woman sits in front of a computer and says, "It's time for marketing to put the glitter on this software you've created." She continues, "With my guidance this will become the premier data backup software!" Wally says, "Bear in mind that we said it would take six months to write it." Dilbert says, "You only gave us a month." The woman says, "We'll fix the bugs in the next release. Tell me about the features." Wally says, "At this point, all it does is erase your disk drive." Dilbert adds, "Unless you're on a network." The woman asks, "What happens if you're on a network?" Wally replies, "It erases everybody's disk drives." Wally continues, "And heaven help you if you have a modem . . ." Dilbert says, "It calls all your friends and erases their PCs." The woman says, "We'll call it 'QuikProtect.'" Dilbert adds, "If you have a sound card it swears at you."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 1995's comic on:


Tags #ship prodcut, #two months early, #nothing exists, #proptype, #more funidng, #froze money, #frozen budget, #boss, #creepy boss, #dysfunctional

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "We need to ship the V-1 product tomorrow. I promised our CEO he can announce it at the shareholder meeting." Wally says, "That's two months early!!" Dilbert says, "We haven't added any features yet!!" Dilbert says, "What would we ship? Our lab prototype is the only V-1 in existence!" Wally cries, "No . . . You wouldn't!" The Boss picks up the device and says, "I've scheduled press tours so you can do demos all next week." Wally asks, "On what?!" As the Boss walks away carrying the prototype, Dilbert says, "We'll need twenty thousand dollars to build another prototype!" The Boss says, "That reminds me; I froze the budget for the rest of the year." The Boss continues, "If there's anything you'd like me to do, don't hesitate to ask." Wally says, "Yeah, I'd like you to do something . . ." The Boss looks angry. Wally says, "Ooh . . . I think I should have hesitated to ask that."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 1999's comic on:


Tags #recovered memory, #ritual abuse, #annual performance review, #memories fade, #takes 12 months

View Transcript

Transcript

WAlly, Dilbert and Asok sit at lunch. Asok says, "Aaargh! I'm having a recovered memory of ritual abuse!" Wally says, "You had your annual performance review this morning." Asok says, "Do the memories ever fade?" Dilbert says, "It takes about twelve months."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 1999's comic on:


Tags #twenty percent over budget, #two months late, #bungledm, #allocation resources, #bungled

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss reads a report, and says to Dilbert, "Your project is twenty percent over budget and two months late." Dilbert says, "That's because you bungled the allocation of resources." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Bosses hate the word 'bungled'."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2000's comic on:


Tags #perfromance evaluation, #3% raise, #earn a billion, #steals as much

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "Write a performance evaluation for yourself." The Boss continues, "Shoot for about 3% raise...because that's what you're getting." Dilbert's computer states, "Dilbert's inventions will earn a billion dollars. But we think he steals almost as much."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2001's comic on:


Tags #better job, #cubicle 45750r, #magic portal, #round of layoffs, #six months, #911 inside job

View Transcript

Transcript

A male coworker says to Dilbert and Wally, "I'm being moved to the magic portal, cubicle 4575OR!" The coworker continues, "Everyone who sits in the magic portal gets a better job within six months!" Wally and Dilbert are walking alone. Wally asks Dilbert, "There isn't a cubicle 4575OR, is there?" Dilbert responds, "The first round of layoffs are always the cruelest."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2002's comic on:


Tags #downsized, #no revenue, #three months, #fire billing, #excellent performance

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, your performance is excellent but I have to downsize you." Ted asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "Our billing system is so defective that we haven't made any revenue in three months." Ted asks, "Why don't you fire the billing department?" The Boss responds, "I did... three months ago."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #book, #choose good attitude, #six months to live, #depressed, #bad advice, #apathetic

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stops a sad employee and says, "Hey, guy, cheer up. You can choose to have a good attitude!" The sad employee replies, "I just found out I have six months to live." The Boss smiles and hands the employee a book. The Boss says, "Maybe I'm saying it wrong. Try reading the book yourself."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #health, #life expectency, #current workload, #two peoples jobs, #six months, #five months, #shop, #Card

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his computer. He points to the screen and says to Dogbert, "I calculated the impact of work on my health and life expectancy." Dilbert continues, "At my current workload, doing two people's jobs, I have... six months to live." Dogbert responds, "Remind me in five and a half months so I can shop for a card."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2002's comic on:


Tags #work to death, #six months, #mentally incompetent, #remove name, #beneficiaries

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Estate Planning. Dilbert is in a lawyer's office. He says to the lawyer, "I expect to work myself to death in six months, so I need a will." The lawyer asks, "Are you mentally incompetent?" Dilbert responds, "I don't think so." The lawyer says, "Okay then, I'll remove my name from the list of beneficiaries."