Perfect Solution Comic Strips - Page 4

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177 Results for Perfect Solution

View 31 - 40 results for perfect solution comic strips. Discover the best "Perfect Solution" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaints, #dating, #dog is perfect, #improve, #list, #lose weight, #need improvements, #new odor, #new wardrobe, #polish up, #new haircut, #relationships

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The dark haired woman from the gym and Dilbert are sitting on the couch. Dogbert is sitting on the arm rest next to them. The woman says, "I made a list of all the ways you need to improve in order to keep dating me." Dilbert reads the list aloud: "Lose forty pounds, new wardrobe, new haircut, new car, new odor..." The woman interupts, "But your dog is perfect. How'd that happen?" Dogbert replies, "When can you move in?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfect world, #eight months, #incompetence multiplier, #lying weasel factor

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Dilbert points to a screen that says, 'Schedule 8 Months." Dilbert says, "In a perfect world, the project would take eight months." Dilbert points to another screen and says, "But based on past projects in this company, I applied a 1.5 incompetence multiplier." Dilbert continues, "And then I applied an L.W.F. of 6.3." The Boss asks, "L.W.F?" Alice answers, "Lying Weasel Factor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #latest assignment, #impossible, #slow speed of light, #perfect art, #human cloing, #eliminate garvity, #stop the sun, #reanimate dead, #impossible tasks, #change the world, #nature

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Dilbert hands a piece of paper to The Garbageman and asks, "Does my latest assignment look impossible?" The Garbageman reads the paper and replies, "Let's see... You'd need to slow the speed of light, and perfect the art of human cloning..." Dilbert asks, "So there's hope?" The Garbageman responds, "Eliminate gravity, stop the sun, reanimate the dead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech solution, #simple, #cost fortune, #internal approvals, #vast herds, #management dolts

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Dilbert: "The technical solution is simple and inexpensive." "But it would cost a fortune to get internal approvals because vast herds of management dolts would get involved." "So I should just do it, right?" The Boss: "Did you just call me a vast herd?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good advice, #balance, #personal life, #zen approach, #no freinds, #no work, #perfect balance, #zen, #faster

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Dilbert: "No one has any good advice on how I can balance my work with my personal life." Wally: "You didn't ask me." "I take the Zen approach of having no friends and doing no work. Hence, perfect balance." Dilbert: "Where did you get that definition of Zen?" wally: "I used to read, but it's faster to make up stuff."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #my hat, #can't see, #perfect for job, #reverse psychology, #potentail jumpers

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"I understand that you have an opening for a negotiator who deals with potential jumpers." "I can't see you because my hat is in the way, but you sound perfect for the job." "Your reverse psychology didn't work." "What reverse psychology?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ethics course, #on line course, #perfect scores, #taking for boss

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What?! You only got a 'B' taking the online ethics course for me? "No one will believe you're me unless you get all perfect scores." "I...was...tired." "Why? You only did 300 push-ups for my online gym class!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #meetings, #sound of voice, #unspoken rules, #noise, #perfect storm

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Coworker: I just realized I love the sound of my own voice! Ha ha! Thanks to the unspoken rules of meetings, I can enjoy the sound of myself as long as I want! Blah, blah, blah! Loud Howard: What's all that noise!? Topper: That's nothing! No one knew the perfect storm was approaching

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #planned merger, #fast food chain, #employees, #source of protein, #perfect situation, #business

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Dilbert says, "I recommend we cancel our planned merger." Dilbert says, "They plan to open a chain of fast food restaurants using our employees as a source of protein." The Boss says, "If we always waited for the perfect situation, we'd never get anything done."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #improbable solution, #work problem, #one million, #business model

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Dilbert: I need an improbable solution to a work problem.Deus ex machina services. Dogbert says, "Sure. I charge one million dollars for each improbable solution." Dilbert says, "Okay, then I also need an improbable way to get things from you for free." Dogbert says, "Stop breaking my business model."