Planned Merger Comic Strips - Page 4

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63 Results for Planned Merger

View 31 - 40 results for planned merger comic strips. Discover the best "Planned Merger" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #pride, #a-b testing, #traffic to site, #most effective search terms, #wingless skunk, #junkyard sbnack, #planned injury, #topper

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Coworker: I did A-B testing and found the search terms that bring the most people to our site. The most effective search terms are "wingless skunk," "junkyard snack," and "planned injury." Topper: Well, duh! You could have just asked me. Topper

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #proactive, #send email, #bad time management, #creating illuson, #sarcasm, #crazy boss, #business

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The Boss says, "You need to be more proactive." Dilbert says, "I can only appear to be proactive if you stop telling me to do things I've already planned." The Boss says, "How am I supposed to know what you plan to do every minute?" Dilbert says, "I could send you an e-mail every time I have a thought." The Boss says, "I don't have time for that!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your bad time management is creating the illusion that I'm not proactive." Dilbert says, "I'll take the liberty of signing you up for a time management class." The Boss says, "Don't do that!" Dilbert says, "So...I should not be proactive?" The Boss says, "Just do what I want before I know I want it." Dilbert says, "I hope the next thing you want is sarcasm."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #electronic mail, #reschedule, #installation, #defense, #miscommunication, #email, #denial

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Boss: I told you to reschedule the installation date. Dilbert: That conversation never happened. Maybe you planned to say it and then the thought morphed into a false memory. Boss: I'm sure I emailed you. Dilbert: You might want to pick a defense that's less checkable.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2012's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #office workers, #encouragement, #career plans, #misjudge, #5 year plan, #legacy sytems, #retirement, #projects, #protect heart, #plenty of naps, #quality of work, #pension fund, #new career plan

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Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1994's comic on:


Tags #good inertia, #marketing department, #project, #under funded, #uniformed decision, #take blame

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The Boss: How's your project coming along? Dilbert: Its under-funded and doomed. But Ive got some goof inertia going and Im setting the marketing department up to take the blame. The Boss: I feel like I should be doing something here. Dilbert: Ive got you planned to make an uniformed decision next week.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1995's comic on:


Tags #urgent message, #disregard, #healthy compnay, #herd stampedes, #resume, #voicemail

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle holding the phone. The voice on the phone says, "To hear your urgent voice mail message press one . . . " A voice on the phone says, "This urgent message is to all employees. Please disregard the rumors of a merger with a healthy company." Dilbert looks out of his cubicle and sees co-workers running in every direction. One man yells, "Resume!" Another cries, "Where's my interview suit??!!" Dilbert thinks, "Now spooked, the herd stampedes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #dazzling demo, #dark angel demos, #demo, #sham, #doomed, #file server, #worst is over

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Dilbert says to the new VP, "We planned a dazzling demo for you, but as you can see we're being visited by the dark angel of demos." From inside the monitor Phil says, "The demo is a sham. Their project is doomed. Cut their funding before your name is associated with it." The Boss and the new VP look shocked. Dilbert thinks, "The worst is over." Phil continues, "Look at some of the pictures the 'boys' store on the file server."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #integrate, #bad technology, #idiot boss, #good etchnology, #throw away, #bad tech, #pure veil

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Dilbert sits at a desk with a computer on it. Dogbert sits atop the computer. Dilbert says, "It's my job to integrate the bad technology that our idiot boss bought with the good technology we already own. Your advice?" Dogbert waves his arms in the air, "Throw away the bad technology. Goof off until the next planned upgrade of the good technology. Tell your boss the improvements are a result of his brilliant buying decision." Dilbert says, "Wow. That's almost pure evil." Dogbert says, "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2000's comic on:


Tags #drive carefully, #drive into a tree, #policy, #using cell phones, #poisonous snakes, #sarcasm, #joking, #obvious

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The Boss and Asok the Intern are sitting at a table. The Boss informs Asok: "The new policy says you must drive carefully while using cell phones." Asok says: "This policy is just in time. I had planned to drive into a tree." Asok leans toward the Boss and asks: "Is there anything there about handling poisonous snakes?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2000's comic on:


Tags #hire another engineer, #last minute, #cost saving s awards, #plan to hire, #work twice as hard

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I had planned to hire another engineer." The Boss continues, "At the last minute I rememered I could just make you work twice as hard." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Maybe you could nominate me for one of those cost saving awards."