Rat On Comic Strips - Page 4
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Ratbert approaches Dilbert's desk and says, "I've come to be your personal digital assistant." Ratbert hands Dilbert a pen and says, "Use the little pen to write messages on my stomach. I'll use state-of-the-rat technology to interpret your handwriting." As Dilbert writes on Ratbert's stomach, Ratbert says, "Weave . . . me . . . a . . . cone . . . yoo . . . cupid . . . bat . . ."
Dilbert sits at his computer and says to Ratbert, "The company pays me ten dollars for every bug I fix in my code, Ratbert." Dilbert pushes his keyboard toward Ratbert and says, "I want you to do your little rat dance on my keyboard so I'll have lots of bugs to fix." Ratbert asks as he dances on the keyboard, "How am I doing?" Dilbert looks at the screen and says, "Not so good. You just authored a web browser."
Tina the Tech Writer, Asok the Intern and Ratbert sit at a conference table. Tina says, "Let's get one thing straight before we start writing the department newsletter . . ." Tina continues, "I'm an experienced technical writer. You are an intern and a rat, respectively. Therefore I will be the editor." Asok says, "I have no skills whatsoever. Therefore I'll be executive editor." Ratbert asks, "Is 'publisher' taken?"
Ratbert sits across from a man's desk. The man says, "Mister Ratbert, I don't think I can hire a rat to be our vice president of marketing. You need experience in the technology industry." Ratbert responds, "I spent a week in a dumpster at Procter and Gamble." The man says, "Close enough! Welcome to the team!" Ratbert says, "I'll bring some cronies with me. They're flies."
The caption says, "Experiment #1: I am exposing a rat to my company's marketing plan." Dilbert shows a copy of the plan to Ratbert. The caption says, "He seems to have no adverse response to the introduction and background." Ratbert hums as he reads the plan. Dilbert takes notes. The caption says, "This is already far more exposure than humans could tolerate." A large bump appears on Ratbert's head and he says, "Sales projections . . . brain tumor . . . get Tylenol . . ."
Dilbert sits at his desk and Ratbert sits on the back of his chair. Ratbert says, "I may be an ignorant rat, but that's okay because ignorance is . . . Um . . . Um . . ." Dilbert says, "BLISS . . . Ignorance is BLISS." Ratbert says, "Oh, great. Now it's gone." Dilbert says, "Oops."
Dilbert looks over the wall into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, these peer reviews are like the famous 'prisoner's dilemma.'" Dilbert explains, "If you rat on me but I say good things about you, you get the biggest raise. But if we praise each other we can BOTH get a small raise." Alice looks over the wall and says, "Wally, if you rat him out, I'll let you look at my 'Victoria's Secret' catalog." Dilbert says, "This is exactly why there are no coed prisons."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Ratbert says, "So, I'm thinking: what if every photon is just a densely packed universe, and to them, our universe looks like a photon?" Ratbert says, "If I'm right, I might be the first rat to win a Nobel prize." Ratbert says, "Stranger things have happened." Dilbert turns and says, "Name one."
Dilbert is talking on the telephone and says, "Is this Skeptics Association? I need your help to prove my rat isn't psychic." Dilbert holds the phone and says, "My name is Dilbert. Yes, I can prove it; I have a pssport and a driver's license. Well, yeah. It's easy to get a fake ID, but..." Hours later... Dilbert is still on the phone, his hair is a mess and he says, "...Okay, what if I take a DNA test? No, I can't prove I've never been cloned!!" He's angry.
Ratbert walks by the phone as it rings. Ratbert answers the phone. Ratbert says, "Hello, I'm a rat." The voice on the other end of the phone says, "This is a consulting company. We'll pay you $200,000 per year to work for us." Ratbert says, "I'm more interested in investment banking." The voice says, "#*@ Job market."