Rate Of Recidivism Comic Strips - Page 4
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40 Results for Rate Of Recidivism
View 31 - 40 results for rate of recidivism comic strips. Discover the best "Rate Of Recidivism" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday January 06,
2003
Tags #self evaluation, #performance review, #core values, #honesty, #integrity, #Wally, #dishonest
Transcript
The Boss: I need your self evaluation so I can write your performance review. Remember to rate yourself on our core values of honesty and integrity. Wally claims he did no work this year. But he's so dishonest , so you can't be sure.
Monday April 25,
2005
Tags #evil director, #expect raises, #bad ratings, #reflect poorly, #ability to motivate, #useless people, #feel bad
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."
Friday January 05,
2007
Tags #amortize the depreciation, #energency hoagie, #quality of decions, #too hungry, #quality of decisons, #hunger pangs, #effect thinking
Transcript
My diet is making me too hungry to listen. I hope that doesn't affect the quality of my decisions. "Amortize the depreciation over the bandwidth of the discount rate." "Don't ask him for anything today." "I brought an emergency hoagie."
Friday August 13,
2010
Tags #meeting, #suicide, #face front, #web only, #company, #business
Transcript
Dogbert says, "You're a third-rate company in a dying industry." Dogbert says, "I recommend consultant-assisted corporate suicide." The Boss says, "Will it hurt?" Dogbert says, "It might sting a little when you announce your'e going to be a web-only company."
Friday July 19,
2013
Tags #paying bills, #trees, #off site document, #storage costs, #out of control, #core bsuiness, #trees are jerks, #money
Transcript
Boss: Our off-site document storage costs are growing out of control. At this rate, our core business can be summarized as "put trees in jail." This is when you say something wise and helpful. CEO: Trees are jerks.
Saturday June 13,
2015
Health Sensor Predictes Death
Tags #invention, #success, #technology, #health monitor, #fitbit, #smart watch, #heart, #heart rate, #death, #medical
Transcript
Ted: The health sensors you built into our smart watch prototype aren't working. According to your stupid sensors, my heart is going to stop beating in... Dilbert: Yay me!
Monday June 15,
2015
Tags #business ethics, #dying, #death, #health, #health tracker, #heart rate monitor, #ads, #scare, #fitbit, #smart watch, #medical
Transcript
Boss: The health sensors and predictive algorithms you built into our smart watch are too good. People are freaked out because it sends alerts to their phones when they have five minutes left to live. Dilbert: Isn't that useful? Boss: It was, until we started sending paid ads as alerts.
Wednesday May 10,
2017
Replacing Robot Head
Tags #machines, #rights, #robot, #technology, #survival, #suffering, #apathy
Transcript
Dilbert: I've been asked to replace your head. Robot: Um... what's the survival rate for this operation? Dilbert: No one cares. Robot: I'll need a second opinion. Wally: I don't care either.
Tuesday July 11,
2017
Unethical Assumptions
Tags #money, #ethics, #misleading, #finances, #budget
Transcript
Boss: Your financial projection doesn't support my preferred strategy. Maybe you could tweak the discount rate to 40%. Dilbert: You're asking me to be unethical. Boss: Only with your assumptions.
Tuesday June 19,
2018
Negotiating Expert
Tags #consultant, #negotiation, #training, #irony, #obliviousness, #business
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.
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