Re Existing Illness Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

52 Results for Re Existing Illness

View 31 - 40 results for re existing illness comic strips. Discover the best "Re Existing Illness" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Why is your project months behind?" "I still don't have the user's requirements because she's a complete nut job." "It's your job to manage that process!" "I complained to her boss, who promptly misinterpreted the problem and ordered her to work on the wrong stuff." "Then every member of her family got a serious illness. Then she got called to jury duty." "She promised to give me the requirements this afternoon." "It was too hard to come up with my own requirements, so I just copied the requirements from another product." "Is the other product similar to what you want?" "Where are you going with this?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #incompetent vp, #fired, #fvaor, #laugh, #resignation, #announcement, #terse, #incompetence, #ambiguaous, #meaning

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says to Fred, "Fred, you're an incompetent VP. You're fired." Fred asks, "May I ask for one favor?" Catbert says, "Sure. I could use a laugh." Fred says, "Please don't make my resignation announcement terse." Fred continues, "If it's terse, everyone will know I was fired for incompetence." Catbert smiles an ugly smile and Fred asks, "Does that smile mean you'll do what I ask?" Catbert says, "I'm sorry if that was ambiguous. Let me try again." Catbert smiles an even bigger ugly smile and Fred says, "I'm still not getting your meaning." Dilbert sits at his computer and reads a memo which says, "Re: Fred. Career dead."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer programmers, #international economic integration, #unemployed, #immortal, #preventer of information, #services, #outsiurced, #buzzkill

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac: I am Mordac, the preventer of information services, and I am immortal! Dilbert: Actually, in a few years your function will be either distributed across existing organizations or outsourced. Mordac: Well, that was a total buzzkill.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #mad scientists, #marketing dept, #mice, #one evil genius, #pathways, #rewire, #ontogenetic technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We replaced our entire marketing department with one evil genius. Evil Genius: My optogenic* technology can re-wire the neural pathways of our customers and change their preferences. You like gray. Asok: I like to be gay. *Already works on mice.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition (psychology), #computer programmers, #code, #writing code, #conspiracy theories

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'd like to recognize Ted for writing his part of the code in just two days. Dilbert: How many days was it supposed to take? Boss: At least a week, I would think. Dilbert: Why would you think that? Boss: Because it was so hard to do. Dilbert: Who told you it was hard? Boss: Ted did. Dilbert: All he did was delete some lines from existing code and recompile it. Ted: It was hard. Boss: See! Wally: Do you have any more crazy conspiracy theories?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illness, #laziness, #sitting disease, #sit all day, #bad health, #safety more eimportant, #drink coffee instead

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illness, #stress, #culture of consulting fiorms, #flat linig, #false larm, #graphs

View Transcript

Transcript

Consultant: I haven't slept since October because the culture of consulting firms is anti-health. I'm flat-lining! False alarm. I'm back. Who wants to make some graphs?

The One Out Of Ten Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The One Out Of Ten Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad logic, #knowledge, #logic, #statistics, #studies, #problem, #department

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: You know how studies always say one out of ten people have a particular problem. I'm always that guy. Statistically speaking, I keep nine people safe just by existing. Dilbert: That's not how statistics work. Coworker: And... everyone else in the department knows that?

Four Hour Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Four Hour Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decision, #decisions, #meeting, #meetings, #productivity, #time, #time management, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Yesterday, in our four-hour meeting, we agreed to postpone the vendor selection. Dilbert: No, we agreed to use our existing vendor. Asok: I thought we agreed to cancel the whole project. Dilbert: We might need some clarity on this. Boss: Four more hours should do it.

Stress Typo On Website

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Stress Typo On Website - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health, #wellness, #corporate policy, #stress, #medical leave, #laziness, #loophole, #typo, #mistake, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: How many employees did you say took paid medical leave? Catbert: All of them. A typo on our wellness website listed stress as an illness instead of a cause of illness. CEO: Is it too late to backpedal on the wellness thing? Catbert: I'll just fix the typo. It's all good.