Relaxed Standards Comic Strips - Page 4

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44 Results for Relaxed Standards

View 31 - 40 results for relaxed standards comic strips. Discover the best "Relaxed Standards" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"What the...? How can you be relaxed with so much work to do?" "Your mistake is taking pride in how much work you can complete." "You see, Alice, there's an infinite quantity of potential work." "But it's only possible to do a finite amount." "You have set yourself up for certain failure according to your own arbitrary standard." "By way of contrast, I take pride in not taking pride in my work." "I've already achieved my goal and it's not even lunch time yet." "Don't you need a new goal for after lunch?" "I'm aiming for a distended stomach."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I'll be right back after I return these dishes to the cafeteria." "Whoa, whoa!" "Winners don't return dishes to the cafeteria." "Then how do the dishes get back?" "You must use your power of low standards." "Just place the dishes on the floor and wait for a loser with high standards." "Gaaa! Dishes on the floor!" "Once again I have to clean up after slobs!" "It is like a miracle." "Now ask her to bring you back a yogurt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #epic year, #unethical behavior, #rebarnding, #hired dogcart consulting, #small improvements, #rename company, #stinking weasel, #slogan, #steal, #rob, #corruption, #hiring pirate, #diseased parrot

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Thanks to an epic year of unethical behavior..." The Boss continues, "We need to do some rebranding so that no one knows who we are." The Boss points to Dogbert and continues, "I hired the Dogbert Consulting Company to help." Dogbert says, "You can't fix your image all at once. I recommend starting with small improvements." Dogbert continues, "First, rename the company to Stinkingweasels Inc." Dogbert continues, "The new slogan will be 'We steal in ways you've never even heard of.'" Dogbert turns to The Boss and says, "For your spokesperson, I recommend hiring a pirate with a diseased parrot." The Boss is holding a bag of money. He says to the pirate, "No?" The pirate responds, "We have standards."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #honesty, #rich people, #career success, #avoid losers, #suck energy, #taking staors

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Asok: While we have this chance encounter, I wonder if you could share your secrets for career success. CEO: Avoid associating with losers because they will lower your standards and suck the energy out of you. Would you mind taking the stairs?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #fusion powered robot, #speed of light, #budget, #micromanaged, #leadership, #needy followers, #business

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Boss: Great leaders set high standards and stay out of the way. So... I want you to build a fusion-powered robot that can run faster than the speed of light! While you're doing that, I'll be staying out of your way. You won't see or hear from me. I won't even respond to email. Dilbert: Is there a budget for this impossible project? Boss: Sheesh! Look who needs to be micromanaged! Now I can't go hide. You've ruined my leadership! Boss: It's hard to be a great leader when all of my followers are so needy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #low standards, #managers, #standards, #micro manage, #furniture, #communicates, #plan, #temporary boss

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Temporary Robot Boss. Robot: I have come to micromanage you. But only until I replace you with a robot and turn you into furniture. Dilbert: On the plus side, he has a plan and he communicates well.

Alice Is Rested From Vacation

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Alice Is Rested From Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #relaxation, #stress, #vacation, #work, #rested, #aftreglow, #text message, #enraged

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Alice: I feel so rested and relaxed after my vacation. I wonder how long this afterglow will last because... excuse me while I check this text message. Dilbert: Is it too late to start timing it? [Alice is on fire]

Dilbert Does Online Dating

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Dilbert Does Online Dating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #internet dating, #low standards, #online dating, #triple threat, #six feet tall, #hair, #height, #job, #business, #relationships

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Dilbert: I got 9,752 responses on this dating site and I haven't even completed my profile. All I said is that I'm six feet tall, I have hair and a job. Meanwhile, everywhere: Women: Hair... height... job! Triple threat!

Tube Clothing At The Bar

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Tube Clothing At The Bar - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clothing, #dating, #jobs, #low standards, #tube clothes, #values substance, #employment, #relationships

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Dilbert: I noticed you eyeing my tube clothes. You're thinking I am a man who values substance over style and it turns you on. Woman: No, I'm thinking I'll date anything that has a job. Dilbert: I have one of those!

Dilbert Meets The Mom

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Dilbert Meets The Mom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #low standards, #meeting people, #parents, #mother, #efficiency, #ebola, #shake hands, #Family, #relationships

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Woman: Mom, this my date, Dilbert. He only wears tube clothes. Dilbert: For the efficiency. Whoa! Before I touch that paw, have you been to any Ebola hot spots lately? Woman: He has a job. Dilbert: My time has come!