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Dilbert sits down at the table where Dogbert is writing on plates. Dilbert asks, "What are you making?" Dogbert replies, "Commemorative collectible plates." Dogbert explains, "One of the mysteries of life is that you can put any picture on a plate and hordes of morons will want to own it." Dilbert holds up a plate and says, "Wow! An acorn! And it's on a plate!" Dogbert asks, "What's it like to be a member of a horde?"
A man answers his door and says, "Dilbert! Dogbert!" Dilbert says, "Thanks for inviting us over." The man stands next to a woman and says, "We thought you'd like to see our home video of little Timmy's birth." The man puts the tape in the VCR and says, "We captured every beautiful moment on VHS!" The woman asks, "Have you ever seen a Caesarean section before?" The man points at the screen and says, "The doctor is making the incision!" The man continues, "Now they're removing the squiggly thing!" The woman says, "Wait . . . This might be the wrong tape . . . I think this is your appendectomy video." Dogbert says, "Either that or little Timmy isn't very photogenic."
Dogbert is telling The Boss, "From now on, refer to your employees as 'knowledge assets.'" The Boss takes notes. Dogbert the Consultant is sitting on a couch and says, "That will send an unmistakable message." Dilbert comes home from work and says to Dogbert, "He calls us knowledge assets" now. He must think we're complete morons." Dogbert wags his tail and says, "It's an unmistakable message."
Caption: "Job Counseling" Dogbert sits at his desk, tail wagging. A moron stands on the other side. Dogbert says, "We'll need to disguise the fact that you're a moron." Dogbert says, "Ironically, the best way is to become an expert in something called "knowledge management." The moron's hair, shirt and tie are messy. The moron's eyes are vacant. The moron sits in a metting next to the Boss. The moron says, "We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings." The Boss thinks, "Smart."
Carol: You made the cover of 'Morons on Parade'. The boss: I hope they didn't misquote me so Id look like a moron. writers do that sometimes. Phew! all the quotes are accurate,
"Do you have a price sheet for removing unnecessary body parts?" "I wouldn't mind a few days away from work, being waited on, watching TV and napping." "You have an inflamed coccyx?" "Yeah, it's gotta go."
"My company is selling gigantic, shard-filled doughnuts with forty thousand calories apiece." "It's based on Dogbert's theory that people are pleasure-seeking morons." "How does it taste?" "Delicious! I have one for you strapped to my car"
The Boss: The beta version looks great. Now ask if they'll tss in an archive option for no extra money. Dilbert: "That's a great idea. Or...maybe I could save time by the realizing that they aren't raging morons who enjoy working for free." The boss: "It's all in the way you ask." Dilbert: "I'll try yelling."