Rifle Through Purse Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

313 Results for Rifle Through Purse

View 31 - 40 results for rifle through purse comic strips. Discover the best "Rifle Through Purse" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #laziness, #writing materials, #pile, #busget numbers, #print again, #think murder

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need your latest budget numbers. Dilbert: I put them on that pile yesterday. Boss: I don't have time to look through a pile. Go print it out again. Dilbert: How many times per day is it okay to think about murder? Wally: I'm up to six and it's only lunchtime.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #conversation, #get mad, #point out dumb, #helpful, #doctor, #Dogbert, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I wonder why people get mad when I point out how dumb they are. I'm just trying to be helpful. I don't want people going through life not knowing what the problem is. I'm kind of like a doctor. Dogbert: I stopped listening back at the house.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crimes, #criminals, #elbonian, #minister of commerce, #leave no eveidence, #connects crime, #bribe him, #kill him

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I need you to bribe an Elbonian minister of commerce and leave no evidence that connects the crime to our company. Dogbert: The only way to do that is to bribe him and kill him at the same time. CEO: I did not think this through. Dogbert: And obviously I'll need to do you first.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fast forward, #phone, #playing, #time machine, #time travel

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My phone is like a time machine. I can fast-forward through the boring parts of life by playing with it. Dogbert: Hand it over. Time flies when I'm not having fun.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #lawyers & attorneys, #apps, #contact information, #users address books, #data, #office, #desk, #meeting, #store data, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Please tell me our apps don't steal contact information from our users' address books. Boss: We upload the data but we don't store it. Coworker: That's like saying I can date your wife if I put a bag over her head. Boss: That could work. Coworker: I don't think I'm getting through to you.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #office workers, #encouragement, #career plans, #misjudge, #5 year plan, #legacy sytems, #retirement, #projects, #protect heart, #plenty of naps, #quality of work, #pension fund, #new career plan

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #door, #fall, #falling, #rude, #stairs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks through a door and thinks, "I hate this: somebody is just far enough behind me that it would be awkward to hold the door, but rude to let it swing." Dilbert walks away thinking, "I'll just pick up the pace and act like I don't notice anybody behind me." The door hits the person behind him. The person screams and falls down the stairs. Dilbert thinks, "Doors at the tops of stairs are the worst."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dog, #dreaming, #flying, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

In his dream, Dilbert floats in mid air. Dilbert thinks, "Ooh boy! Looks like another one of those flying dreams I keep having." Dilbert flies through the air thinking, "This is great! I just hope I don't crash and wake up this time." Dilbert is suspended over his bed on a pulley system. Dogbert holds the rope and says, "Houston, we are experiencing difficulty."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criminals, #election, #meeting, #window, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Dilbert, who is wearing a sash and carrying a flashlight, "I still think it's dumb to elect the only known criminal around as leader of the neighborhood crime watch." Dilbert responds, "Maybe 'Bad Ed' has changed." A brick crashes through the window. Dilbert reads the note on the brick and says, "It's from Ed. 'Next meeting: Tuesday at 8:00 P.M.'" Dogbert says, "I can't wait for the newsletter."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #cashier, #celebration dance

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks through the cafeteria holding a tray of food. Dilbert thinks, "Oh no, not this cashier again. She always hands back my change right over my soda. I just know she's trying to make me drop a dime in my drink." Dilbert stands at the cashier and waves his hand over his drink saying, "No! No! No!" The cashier thinks, "Fake left . . ." Dilbert says as he eats his lunch, "It's not the coins in the soda that get me; it's that darned celebration dance she does."