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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1991's comic on:


Tags #behavior, #language, #Dilbert, #zimbu, #charade, #skills, #rote, #logic, #reasoning, #program, #writting, #basic, #work

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Zimbu the Monkey sits at his desk working on the computer. Dilbert says, "It's time to end this charade, Zimbu!" Dilbert continues, "Your language skills are simple rote behavior. Monkeys are incapable of logic and reasoning." Dilbert looks at the computer screen and says, "Ha! And that program you're writing -- it's probably in 'Basic.'" Zimbu asks, "Do you ever work?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #naked and exhausted, #fishing boat, #grabbed line, #held on, #secondd time, #threw back in

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Dilbert sits in his chair wearing a bathrobe and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . There I was, naked and exhausted, miles from shore. Dolphins taunted me for hours." Dilbert continues, "Suddenly a deep sea sport fishing boat happened by. I grabbed the line and held on for my life." Dogbert replies, "Wow! That's lucky." Dilbert says, "That's what I thought . . . Until the second time they threw me back in." Dogbert replies, "I meant lucky for them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #sad, #story, #renowned, #monkey, #trainer, #beautiful, #discovered, #kidnapped, #wife, #leader, #sing, #song, #laughing, #thanks

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Dogbert sits at his desk under a sign that says, "I will listen to your sad story $5.00." A man enters and says, "I have a sad story." Dogbert says, "Sit down." The man continues, "I was a world renowned monkey trainer." The man continues, "I had it all: fame, money, beautiful family." The man continues, "Then I discovered that the monkeys were plotting against me." The man continues, "They embezzled all of my money and kidnapped my wife." The man covers his eyes and says, "Then my wife fell in love with their leader, Bing-Bong." Dogbert laughs. The man asks, "Were you laughing?" Dogbert hands money to the man and says, "Here's my five bucks. Thanks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 1997's comic on:


Tags #title of book, #gives away plaot, #hemingway, #imagination, #chick magnet

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dilbert is wearing a jogging suit and holds a Frisbee. He says, "I hate it when the title of a book gives away the whole plot." Dilbert throws the Frisbee. He says, "Take Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea." Geez, talk about leaving nothing to the imagination." The Frisbee lies on the ground. Dilbert says, "I guess the odds were very low that you would leap in the air and catch that." Dogbert replies, "I'm only here to be a chick magnet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #email, #the president, #Politics

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the paper and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "It says the president can now receive electronic mail." Dogbert asks, "Really?" Dogbert stands on the desk chair and types, "Dear Mr. President, I would like to make a few suggestions on how to run the country." Dogbert types, "As you know, the citizens are mostly imbeciles." Dogbert types, "You should give an executive order for all people to march into the sea." Dogbert types, "Then, the few of us who are smart enough to ignore you can divide up their stuff." Dogbert types, "This may seem slightly immoral, but it's better than having a bunch of unwanted people clogging up the country." Dogbert pauses. Dogbert types, "And we won't have to hear your brother sing anymore. Sincerely, Ross Perot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 1995's comic on:


Tags #alice, #janitor, #over time pay, #75k per year, #basment, #reading magazines, #fishing, #engineer, #no over time, #Sports, #engineering

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Alice sits at her desk. The janitor stands in her cubicle door and says, "Working late again, huh, Alice?" Alice says, "Seventy hours this week . . ." The janitor replies, "Me too. Thank goodness for overtime pay!" Alice looks shocked and asks, "Overtime pay?" The janitor says, "Allow me to explain." The janitor draws a graph and says, "Unlike you so-called 'exempt' employees, my income increases if I work additional hours." The janitor continues, "I'm pulling in seventy-five thousand a year. And half the time I just hide in the basement reading 'Fishing' magazine." The janitor continues, "The only down side is that I don't get to enjoy the intellectual stimulation of my co-workers the way you do." The janitor sits in the basement reading a magazine. He thinks, "I don't know what I like better - deep sea fishing or cubicle fishing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2001's comic on:


Tags #evolution training, #make it thourgh, #banana, #peel, #gorillas, #neanderthal, #monkeys, #jungle naimals

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Headline: Evolution Training. Dogbert stands atop a stool in front of students with a pointer in his hand. He says, "Some of you will not make it through the class." A banana who happens to be seated next to a gorilla raises its hand and asks, "May I move to a different seat?" The rest of the class looks on. Dogbert responds, "Sure... Oops. Problem solved. Carl, don't leave that where someone will slip on it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #secreatry, #booked flight, #smog, #hardened, #machete, #hack tunnel, #asthma attack, #treatment

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Carol: I booked you flight to the polluted capital of Albania. Their smog has hardened into a sold. use this machete to hack a tunnel through it. If you have an asthma attack the treatment is the same as for a sea urchin sting. YOu'll need to urinate on your lungs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2009's comic on:


Tags #eating, #annoyed, #angry, #violence, #hitting, #punching, #arrogant

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The foodie with a huge forehead Man says, Mmmm, a pomme de terre frite with sea salt and just a hint of rosemary." Punch! Alice says, "That was a French Fry. And much like yourself, it was a salted."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2008's comic on:


Tags #discriminating, #genetic reason, #idiot, #intolerance, #turned down for raise, #maximum raise, #learning problem, #desparation, #money

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The Boss: Alice, I can't give you the maximum raise because you don't respect other people's differences. Alice says, Why are you discriminating against me for my intolerance? If I am intolerant for some genetic reason, then I can't help it. Alice says, "And if I'm intolerant because I can't learn to be otherwise, then obviously I have a learning problem. Alice says, "Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not acceptable for me to notice it? You need to start appreciating me for my intolerance! Alice says, And while I'm at it, allow my to mention that a monkeys seat cushion has better views than what I'm looking at right now. The Boss says, "I'm not quite sure where to go with this." Alice says, "Ooh! Oooh! I have a suggestion."