Search Results for "simple agreement"
Share April 19, 2006's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally refuse to support my project plan. Will you take a look at it? "GAAA!!! The stupidity is leaping off the page and burrowing into my brain!!!" "Does anyone around here known how to say a simple 'This won't work'?" gurgle
Share June 04, 2007's comic on:
Dilbert: "I reached an agreement with the rebels so they won't attack our factory in Elbonia." "It's a stock swap. Every time they collect a ransom, the value of our company will increase." The Boss: "Doesn't that make us terrorists?" Dilbert: "Very indirectly."
Share October 01, 2007's comic on:
The Boss: "Why did it take six months to complete this simple task?" Dilbert: "Because of your continuous changes, your unclear communication, and your short work days." The boss: "I'm looking for something more along the lines of you being lazy."
Share May 26, 2002's comic on:
An employee says to The Boss, "I quit. I got a better job with our competitor." The Boss responds, "Okay, but remember the employment agreement you signed." The Boss continues, "You agreed to not take away knowledge or skills you acquired at this job." The employee replies, "That's crazy. How can I stop knowing what I learned?" Catbert enters and says, "Come with me." There is a huge contraption with a suction cup. The employee looks up at it and asks, "Will this hurt?" Catbert responds, "I hope so." The machine clamps on the employee's head and makes the sounds, "Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck." Catbert is working the controls. He says, "Ha ha!! I got your technical knowledge! And there go your verbal skills!" The employee has nothing left but a tiny ball for a head. He says, "Great. Now what do I do?" Catbert responds, "I'd stay away from the golf course."
Share June 02, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert is dressed in all purple, carrying a rope over his shoulder. He says to Dogbert, "Would you like to join me on a daring commando raid?" Dogbert replies, "Sure." Dilbert says, "Do you want to know why?" Dogbert responds, "Not really." Dilbert, Dogbert, and Bob the Dinosaur all have purple masks on. Dilbert says, "My internet provider won't let me cancel by phone or by e-mail." Dilbert continues, "The service agreement says I have to stage a daring commando raid on their headquarters." Bob asks, "Does this mask make me look fat?" Dogbert zaps Bob with a stun gun and says, "That joke is overused Bob." Bob falls over. Dogbert says to Dilbert, "The stun gun is in good working order." Dilbert and Dogbert are walking outside. Dilbert says, "Maybe I should carry the stun gun." Dogbert responds, "Don't worry, I'll do you last."
Share June 19, 2014's comic on:
Man: I need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement before we start. Wally: We don't need that because no one believes a word I say anyway. Man: Maybe I'm meeting with the wrong person. Wally: You're mighty judgy for a guy with so many secrets.
Share July 19, 2014's comic on:
Boss: The secret to success is keeping things simple. Dilbert: Do you mean simple in an absolute sense or relative to the alternatives? Boss: It depends on the situation. Dilbert: Sounds complicated.
Share August 05, 2014's comic on:
Boss: The interface needs to be so simple your mother could use it. Dilbert: My mother taught herself Ruby On Rails over a weekend. Boss: Then imagine someone else's mother. Dilbert: Can I imagine a sexist imbecile?
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Share April 24, 2011's comic on:
Boss: The first thing on the agenda... Dilbert: Hold on. I don't know anything about this guy. Boss: What's the difference? Dilbert: I need to know how important he is. Should I pretend to like his jokes? Should I nod in agreement no matter what he says? Man: You can call me anything. Just don't call me late for dinner. Dilbert: Ha ha ha ha ha!! I hope I didn't waste that.