Slapped 1.0 Together Comic Strips - Page 4

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View 31 - 40 results for slapped 1.0 together comic strips. Discover the best "Slapped 1.0 Together" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anxiety, #obliviousness, #mentor, #hundreds of hour, #eagerly absorb, #wisdom, #hugger

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Boss: Good news, Alice. I've decided to be your mentor. Alice: Hurk. Boss: We'll spend hundreds of hours together as you eagerly absorb my wisdom. Alice: HURK. Boss: And I've decided to become more of a hugger. Alice: Hurk hurk hurk hurk.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prosperity, #saving & investment, #portfolio, #standard industry, #investing, #billion dollars, #index funds, #money

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Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #brag, #contributions, #ego, #hours of work, #man of ideas, #meeting, #business

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Wally: My contributions can't be measured by the number of hours I work. I'm a man of ideas. One great idea is worth more than all of you put together. Boss: Fine. Let's hear your great idea. Wally: You just did.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #exit strategy, #serial talker, #infinite unrelated, #engineers

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Boss: Talk to Allen about this. Dilbert: I'll need an exit strategy. He's a serial talker. I'll be trapped for hours while he strings together infinite, unrelated stories. Boss: Engineers have weird problems. Dilbert: What could I eat that would make me puke in ten minutes?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose, #engineering

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Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dueling, #announcing stupid, #dumbest person, #history, #moron, #new cubicle, #education

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Loud Howard meets Topper Coworker: I did something stupid today!!! Topper: That's nothing. I'm the dumbest person in the history of the universe!!! Together: I'm a moron!!! Dilbert: I need a new cubicle.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #late, #setting priorities, #boss, #meeting, #excuse, #conference table, #coffee cup, #apology, #business

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Boss: Sorry I'm late. It's because the least important thing I do is way more important than all of you put together. One way to look at it is that I'm great at setting priorities.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fee, #how the future works, #portfolio, #retirement planning, #understanding future

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Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: My fee is 10% of your portfolio per year. Employee: Sounds reasonable. Dogbert: None of my clients understand how the future works.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #huge fee, #non practicing entity, #patent troll, #patents, #playing field, #plunge civilization, #tangle innovation, #thwart compnies, #dark ages

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Dogbert: I'm a patent troll, but you can call me a non-practicing entity. For a huge fee, I will use my patents to thwart the companies that are trying to thwart you with their own patents. Together we can strangle innovation and plunge civilization into the dark ages! Boss: That would even the playing field.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #extensive plastic surgery, #face, #gadgets, #information services, #office equipment, #swine, #to log on

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Mordac: I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. Dilbert: I know. We've worked together for years. Mordac: And it still sounds awesome when I say it. Anyway, I up-graded our network security to include facial recognition. Your temporary password is this face. You'll need extensive plastic surgery to log on the first time. Dilbert: You've gone too far, Mordac! I will escalate this! Boss: I wish we'd had this conversation a week ago.