Staffing Levels Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

40 Results for Staffing Levels

View 31 - 40 results for staffing levels comic strips. Discover the best "Staffing Levels" comics from Dilbert.com.

Fit Bit Monitoring

Thank you for voting.
Fit Bit Monitoring - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #mothers, #mom, #surveillance, #spying, #nosy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilmom: This is your mom. I've been monitoring your Fitbit and... whatever you're doing, cut it out. Dilbert: It was disturbing on many levels. Dogbert: "Mom Drone" behind you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #capitalism, #big business, #competition, #benefit

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The company's goal is to make the world a better place. Dilbert: How does that square with our stated goal of destroying our competition? If we succeed, those people will be out of jobs. After we annihilate our competition, we can jack up our prices to monopoly levels and take advantage of our customers. Most of our profits go toward making the rich richer. We don't even pay taxes. Meanwhile, my co-workers and I will be living a life that has been stripped of all meaning. Is that what you had in mind by "Making the world a better place?" CEO: I didn't mean better for everyone.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #waiter, #restaurant, #service industry, #impatient, #patience, #complaining

View Transcript

Transcript

Waiter: Here are your french fries. Dilbert: Gaaaa!!! I have no salt. Waiter: I will bring the salt right away. Dilbert: No, you won't. This isn't my first time eating out! You say you will bring salt, but you will be distracted by another table. I will sit here in anger while I watch you do things that do not involve bringing me salt. As the temperature of my fries drops, my cortisol levels will increase. In five minutes I will hate your guts and this restaurant, too. I also need ketchup. Waiter: That will take a little longer.

Wally's Invention Goes Into Production

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Invention Goes Into Production - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #invention, #success, #laziness, #fairness, #unfair

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: The board decided to put your invention of a phone charger that warms coffee into production. Market surveys show enormous demand. You're probably going to be our Employee Of The Year. This disturbs me on many levels. Wally: Genius is often disruptive.

Perfect Boyfriend Robot

Thank you for voting.
Perfect Boyfriend Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #love, #programming, #free will, #manipulation, #relationships, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I'm changing your programming to make you my perfect boyfriend. Robot: This feels wrong on so many levels. Alice: How about now? Robot: Um... now i love you. That's weird.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #sociopath, #obliviousness, #tell-all

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: There's a new tell-all book about our company. CEO: How bad is it? Dilbert: It's bad. Anonymous sources within the company say you're a "raging sociopath with the intellect of a clam." CEO: Put out a press release denying those lies! Dilbert: That's going to be tricky to write. CEO: Just say I deny being a sociopath with the mind of a clam. Also say I hope whoever said that about me dies a slow and terrible death. Is that clear? Dilbert: Yes, on many levels.

No Raise For Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
No Raise For Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #work, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can I have a 25% raise to get my compensation up to market levels? Boss: No. Dilbert: Okay. I'll just work 25% less because you won't know the difference. Boss: I would know if you did that. Dilbert: Should I get back to separating the zeroes from the ones in our database?

How Long To Make Ai

Thank you for voting.
How Long To Make Ai  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computers, #engineering, #intelligence, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology, #robots, #humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How long would it take you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as humans? Dilbert: It shouldn't take me long to dumb-down a computer to human levels. Boss: What? Dilbert: It might take five minutes, tops.

Stress Can Kill You

Thank you for voting.
Stress Can Kill You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #coronavirus, #cortisol, #dead man walking, #depress, #fear, #immune, #increase, #scared, #social distancing, #system, #virus, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: you have nothing to fear from the coronavirus but fear itself. obviously, the fear will increase your cortisol levels and depress your immune system so the virus can finish you off. dilbert visually shaken: now i'm scared. dogbert pointing: dead man walking!

No Human Contact

Thank you for voting.
No Human Contact - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2020's comic on:


Tags #home, #human, #contact, #self isolation, #quarantine, #coronavirus, #health, #oxytocin, #lonely

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert at home: i haven't had any human contact for months. dilbert wearing face mask sitting on couch with dogbert: people need physical contact to keep their oxytocin at healthy levels. dogbert: get away from me. dilbert: maybe if we both close our eyes.