Staving Competition Comic Strips - Page 4
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108 Results for Staving Competition
View 31 - 40 results for staving competition comic strips. Discover the best "Staving Competition" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 25,
2011
Tags #competition (psychology), #goals for the year, #assignments, #average raise, #invent nuclear fusion, #lack of knowledge
Transcript
Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.
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Monday September 19,
2011
Tags #annoyance, #competition (psychology), #tweaks to ideas, #fails, #claim credit, #many forms genius, #steaming an oval
Transcript
Boss: I made a few tweaks to your idea. Now if it fails it was your idea, and if it works I can claim credit. Boss: Genius comes in many forms. Dilbert: Such as steaming and oval?
Tuesday January 10,
2012
Tags #competition (psychology), #fish & aquatic mammals, #complaints, #shark, #doplphon, #robot, #patrol, #waters
Transcript
Boss: I'm hearing some complaints that you built a robot shark to patrol the soc-called territorial waters around your cubicle. Alice: It's a robot dolphin. I can see how people might be confused. I need you to smile more. Shark: Whatever.
Wednesday July 24,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #stand-up, #comedy, #competition, #first time, #competitor, #audience, #camcorders, #mary kay, #mental, #imagery
Transcript
A comedian asks Dilbert, "Is this your first time?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah." Dilbert shakes nervously and beads of sweat fly off his forehead. The man says, "I know I'm supposed to be your competitor, but I'll share my technique of using mental imagery to relax." Dilbert says, "Thanks!" The man says, "Imagine that you're naked . . . And the audience is full of Mary Kay salespeople with camcorders . . ."
Tuesday July 26,
1994
Tags #judges were cruel, #olympic competition, #play, #ratbert, #scored a two, #sofa, #doves, #rat on couch
Transcript
Ratbert: A hush comes over the crowd. This would be Ratbert's most difficult dive. Dilbert: I give it a two. Ratbert: The judges were cruel but rather captured the hearts aof the audience , endorsements would follow.
Tuesday October 18,
1994
Tags #board room, #fire employees, #no employees, #task force, #competitors, #white rumps
Transcript
EXECUTIVE BOARD ROOM TED: our competitors are kicking our pasty white rumps. Ted: Im bringing in dogcart to fire employees until we're stronger than the competition. Man: How will the work get done with no employees? Ted: Id better form a test force to study that.
Friday June 30,
1995
Tags #Advice, #dogbert consulting comapny, #business units, #cross cahrging, #undermining, #comepotition, #healthy, #janitorial
Transcript
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss points to a diagram on an overhead projector and says, "We're going to follow the advice of the Dogbert Consulting Company and form 'Battlin' Business Units.'" The Boss continues, "We'll spend most of our time cross-charging and undermining the other BBU's." Wally comments, "A little competition is healthy." The Boss adds, "Whatever you do, DON'T tick off the janitorial BBU."
Monday September 23,
1996
Tags #problem, #quietly sit, #look mangerly, #idiotic, #leadership, #iron man, #team building, #bunch leadership
Transcript
The Boss sits at his desk thinking, "I don't know how to fix any of the problems in this company. Maybe I'll just sit here quietly." The Boss thinks, "No, that wouldn't look managerly . . . I'll have to do something idiotic and hope it looks like leadership." The Boss says to Dilbert, who is sitting at his desk, "We're going to have an 'Iron Man' team-building competition." Dilbert replies, "What a bunch of leadership . . ."
Monday March 29,
1999
Tags #bill agtes, #bill gates, #competition keeper, #infrared, #linus rules, #linux box, #missiles, #sent email, #visit mom, #dilberts mother
Transcript
Dilbert's mom and Dilbert sit on the couch in Dilbert's living room. Dilbert's mom says, "...I'm going to infrared from the keyboard to my "linux" box." She has a keyboard on her lap. Dilbert says, "Nice mom" Dilbert's mom makes a fist and says, "I just sent a flaming e-mail to Bill gates, saying "Linux rules!" Dilbert says, "you what?" Bill gates sits in captians chair in a military looking facility. Bill says, "Launch the competitionkeeper missiles."
Monday July 22,
2002
Tags #bankrupt, #401k money gone, #investing, #competitors stock, #wally rich, #investing in competition
Transcript
Wally is sitting at his computer. Alice approaches and says, "Wally, what are we going to do now that we're bankrupt and our 401k money is gone?" Wally responds, "No problem. I've been investing all of my money in our competitor's stock. Now I'm rich." Alice asks, "Why do you still come to work?" Wally responds, "I don't know how to make coffee."