Successful Habits Comic Strips - Page 4

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58 Results for Successful Habits

View 31 - 40 results for successful habits comic strips. Discover the best "Successful Habits" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 1995's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #explains leader ship, #drawn to meetings, #bladder to brain, #impervious to logic, #coffee, #promited, #leadership is natures way, #removing morons, #start as morons

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Dogbert points to a sign that says, "Dogbert explains leadership." Dogbert points to a man who is wearing an untucked shirt and staring blankly ahead. Dogbert says, "Leaders start their careers as morons." The caption says, "They are drawn to meetings like moths to a porch light. The moron walks toward a conference room. Dogbert points to a diagram of a human body. He says, "The successful moron will have a very high bladder-to-brain ratio." The caption says, "They prevail in all decisions because they are impervious to logic or coffee." Dilbert sits at a conference table with the moron and another man. The moron says, "Let's do it my way!" The other man says, "Okay!" The caption says, "These qualities are perceived as leadership." The moron pours coffee on himself. The Boss tells the moron, "You're promoted!" The caption says, "After several promotions their job tends to match their talents." The moron tells Dilbert, "I award you this award." Dogbert says, "Conclusion: leadership is nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 1997's comic on:


Tags #answer this quiz, #bill gates, #towel boy, #humans are primates, #three monkeys, #stupid trick question

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Dilbert stands in a room filled with electronic equipment. A voice coming from a monitor says, "You have been chosen as Bill Gates' towel boy. But first you must answer this quiz." The voice continues, "You're in a room with three monkeys. One has a banana, one has a stick, one has nothing. Which primate is the smartest?" Dilbert says, "Um . . ." Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dogbert says, "I guess the successful towel boys know that humans are primates too." DIlbert says angrily, "Stupid trick question."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1997's comic on:


Tags #editable wax fruit, #live at desk, #no social life, #social activity, #vending machine food, #marketing network

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During a staff meeting, The Boss says, "It has come to my attention that one of you has a social life." Wally says, "There must be some mistake." The Boss says, "We can't be successful until our social lives are worse than the industry average." He stands up and says, "Our competitors spend the nights in their cubicles. They eat from vending machines." The Boss walks behind Wally, Dilbert and Alice. He says, "Someone here has not shown the same level of competetive spirit." The Boss grabs Asok by the collar and says, "Someone had a social activity last night!" Asok cries, "I'm sorry! I thought they were friends... but they were only recruiting for a multi-level marketing network!!!" Dilbert says, "What were they selling?" Asok says, "Edible wax fruit. Brochure?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 1999's comic on:


Tags #floss, #disgusted, #hateful, #dinner, #meal, #other people, #gross habits, #public hygiene

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Dilbert sit with Ted at a conference table. Ted says, "Do you mind if I floss?" Dilbert says, "Yes. I would be thoroughly disgusted and hate you forever." Ted begins to floss. Ted says, "Well, I can't please everyone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1999's comic on:


Tags #successful project, #job eliminated, #smartest thing, #fail miserably, #clear strategy

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A woman (Tina ?) stands in the boss's office. She says, "I just realized that if my project is a success, my job will be eliminated." She says, "The smartest thing to do is to fail miserably and blame it all on your indecisiveness." She says, "I'm happy because I have a clear strategy!" The boss thinks, "I haven't nodded in a while."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 1999's comic on:


Tags #dogbertmd.com, #netting billions, #no profit, #press release, #neener, #profits are for losers

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Dilbert is on his home sofa in his bathrobe with his feet on the table. Dogbert is next to him. From the T.V. we hear: "DogbertMD.com had a successful IPO today, netting billions for Dogbert." From the T.V.: "The company has no profit now and expects no profit later." From the T.V.: "The company issued a press release that says, "Neener neener. Profits are for losers." Dilbert says:"Succinct"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2001's comic on:


Tags #innovative design firm, #observe methods, #steal from them, #secret, #hiring smart people, #involves easles

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "We've hired the world's most innovative design firm." The Boss continues, "We'll observe their successful methods and steal them for our own. Heh Heh Heh." Dilbert turns to The Boss and says, "Maybe their secret is hiring smart people." The Boss responds, "I'm hoping it involves easels."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #lost cash, #consultectomy, #wallet, #transfusion, #sedate unwilling donor, #happy hour

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The Boss is lying in bed. Dogbert says, "The consultectomy was successful, but you lost a lot of cash." Dogbert continues, "We're giving your wallet a transfusion, but we had to sedate an unwilling donor." A businessman sits on a bed with a martini in one hand. There is tube stretching from his pocket to The Boss' wallet, Ratbert is manning the machine. The businessman says, "Whoever thought of happy hour at a hospital is a geniush."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2003's comic on:


Tags #bailing on project, #ensure survival, #loser pill, #rejected by wally, #pill, #therapy, #therapist, #psychology

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Wally says to Dilbert, "I'm bailing out of your project; it has the scent of failure." As Wally walks away, he adds, "I will attach myself to a more successful host to ensure my survival." Dilbert is lying on a therapist's couch. He says, "Do you have a pill for someone who gets rejected by Wally?" The therapist replies, "A loser pill?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2004's comic on:


Tags #taking chance, #indoor plumbing, #teach human habits, #feral emplyee, #trained, #office

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"The feral employee" "I'm taking a chance by hiring you. Dont make me regret it." "Today, one of my seasoned professionals will teach you to use indoor plumbing." "Look! Look at me! The newspaper tucks under the arm!"