Took Away Comic Strips - Page 4
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Dilbert approaches Ming and says, "Ming, our website needs a FAQ section." Ming replies, "I find your suggestion ignorant and without merit. Away with you." Dilbert, unaffected by her response asks "So...are you doing anything this weekend?" Ming sighs, "Gaaa!!"
The boss approaches a worker who is sitting in front of her computer, arms outstretched and eyes fixed. The boss says, "Helen, I'm transferring you to the temporary zombie division." Pushing Helen along, the boss says, "You will be with other people who are planning weddings, raising babies and divorcing." Helen is amid other zombie like workers, all with outstretched arms. A worker says, "She took my dog." Helen says, "All the good places are booked."
The Boss holds up a piece of paper and says, "From now on, the organization chart will not be distributed." The Boss crumples up a piece of paper and says, "And the internal phone lists will be shredded." The Boss continues, "This will prevent headhunters from easily picking us clean." Wally asks, "Why would headhunters call US?" The Boss explains, "They want to steal you away and double your pay at another company." Wally says, "What makes you think we won't leave on our own anyway?" The Boss replies, "Because working here drains all your initiative." Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and says, "Let's prove him wrong." Dilbert says, "Yeah! I'm NOT shredding my phone list!"
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "My plan is to give away our product for free." The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We'll only bill customers who ask us to deinstall it." Wally and Dilbert continue looking on impassively as The Boss continues, "For once, those reports of consumer decapitations will work in our favor."
DISCOUNT BROKERAGE: A man on a cell phone says, "I need an estate plan for after I pass away." Dogbert, in his office and wearing a headset, says to the man, "Here's a plan: Stay dead. No one likes a zombie." The man on the cell phone asks, "What about gifts?" Dogbert's reply is, "Zombies make bad gifts."
Dibert is sitting in his chair, facing a standing coworker. Dilbert says, "Okay... I think we're done here. Lots of work to do. Busy, busy, busy." The coworker begins to shake and transform. Branches sprout from his head and arms and his lower body becomes a tree stump. Dilbert is unaffected. He says, "I'll talk to you later. Have a nice day. Bye-bye. Thanks." The coworker has mutated into a full tree. Wally leans over the cubicle wall and says to Dilbert, "Looks like someone took root in your cubicle." Dilbert, now facing his computer and still unaffected, only says, "Bye-bye."
The Boss hands Dilbert a stack of papers and says, "Here are some projects to finish before your last day." Dilbert responds, "But.. I'll have to interact with people who know I've been downsized." The Boss replies, "Hee Hee!" A coworker mocks Dilbert, "I'll get this information to you right away. Is ninety days soon enough?"
The Boss points to Asok and says, "Asok is the winner of the $25 'Clean Desk Award.'" Asok responds, "Yesterday the facilities people took my desk because it appeared to be unused." Asok sits on the floor in his cubicle. He thinks, "I hope this doesn't bump me into a higher tax bracket."
Mordac says to Alice, "I am Mordac The Preventor of Information Services. You have exceeded your server storage limit." Alice hands Mordac a quarter and says, "Here's 25 cents so you can afford to double my storage space." Mordac walks away, looks at the quarter in his hand, and thinks, "I think my mystique just took a hit."