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At lunch, Dilbert says to Wally, "I don't know what kind of gift to buy for Ted's baby shower." Wally responds, "Hand-crafted items are good. Cut three holes in a paper bag and you've got a lovely baby dress." Dilbert says, "He might think I'm cheap." Wally holds up the table's salt shaker and asks, "Do you think the kid has a salt shaker yet?"
Dilbert stands outside his lab. He tells Dogbert, "Well, Dogbert, I believe I have solved the world's garbage problem." Dogbert says, "I didn't know garbage had any problems." Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the stairs to the lab. Dilbert says, "I've invented the most efficient trash compactor ever." Dilbert kneels in front of a device and says, "This baby can squash two tons of garbage into a little brick!" Dogbert says, "No doubt you've considered the valuable uses for the brick itself." Dilbert asks, "Uh . . . Right . . . For home construction?" Dogbert says, "Or just as an immovable object that smells like Sylvester Stallone's socks."
Dilbert stands in the hall talking to a co-worker. Another man walks up and says, "It looks like the ugly people's convention is in town." The man asks, "How are you two cow pies doing? Huh?" Dilbert asks, "Why are you always so cruel, Brad?" Brad replies, "It's not cruel! This is male bonding, you fertilizer face!" Brad continues, "Try it; it'll make you feel like a man for the first time!" Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Okay, did you know that Bruce dates your wife on your poker nights?" Brad and Bruce look shocked. Brad and Bruce fight each other. Dilbert adds, "And your children are funny looking - especially Becky." Dilbert walks away thinking, "He's right. That felt good."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the sidewalk. Dilbert points ahead of them and says, "Look, Dogbert - a wallet." Dilbert bends down, picks up the wallet and says, "It's full of money." Dogbert shouts, "We're rich!!" Dilbert says, "We must return it to its owner." Dogbert shouts, "We're honest!" Dilbert says, "His business card says 'Sam Grouper, ruthless criminal.'" Dilbert says, "Let's hope 'ruthless' means he divorced his wife named Ruth." The criminal answers his door with a gun in his hand. Dilbert says, "Mr. Grouper, we found your wallet. No reward is expected." Sam points the weapon at Dilbert and says, "Hand it over. Give me your wallet too, then slap yourselves around and scram." Dilbert's glasses are bent and his clothes are disheveled. Dogbert holds his hands up and says, "We're morons!"
Dogbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "I heard you were doing some baby-sitting, Bob." Bob responds, "Yeah! I did the Morton triplets last night." Bob says, "It's not easy to juggle three screaming toddlers." Dogbert says, "When you say 'juggle' . . ." Dilbert hands Bob the phone and says, "It's the Mortons with a question about their ceiling fan."
Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at the lunch table. Wally says, "I had a cat once . . ." Wally continues, "I petted that thing for two hours but I didn't feel any better." Dilbert says, "Petting is for the benefit of the cat, not your hand." Wally says, "They're so selfish."
Dilbert stands at the Happy Airlines check-in counter. He hands the ticket agent a sack and says, "This bag contains all the mail you've sent me about my 'Often Flier' status." Dilbert continues, "I'll trade everything in the bag for a seat upgrade. I'm currently assigned to an overhead bin." The woman looks in the bag and says, "Okay." Dilbert hands his boarding pass to an agent and thinks, "Whew! Disaster has been averted." The man standing behind Dilbert holds two infants. He asks the woman behind him, "Are you guys going to the colicky baby convention too?"
Tina stands behind Asok's desk and says, "You're invited to a four-hour meeting, Asok." Asok looks at the agenda and says, "Tina, it would seem that all of your meetings have no purpose other than to provide you with a surrogate social life." Tina asks, "Can you bring chips?" Asok says, "I wish, I wish, I wish I had a spine."
Wally tells Dilbert, "Uh-oh . . . New father coming this way." Wally says, "I'm out of here." A man says, "Hi, Dilbert. Have you seen my baby pictures yet?" Dilbert thinks, "Groan." Dilbert thinks, "I'll have to come up with tons of compliments or I'll seem shallow." Dilbert looks at the photographs and says, "This is the most beautiful baby in the universe. Looks just like you. She should be a model." Dilbert looks at the next photo and says, "Wait . . . This picture looks different. Did you have two babies?" The man replies, "The first picture was our pug dog, Winston. It got in there by mistake." Dilbert says, "I hope that little misunderstanding won't detract from the perceived sincerity of the following compliments . . ."
Dilbert and Dogbert go for a walk. Dilbert says, "There's a rumor that my company will move to South Dakota, but I don't believe it." Dogbert stands on a rock and says, "South Dakota... isn't that where your CEO grew up? Maybe he wants to be near his parents to get free baby-sitting." Dilbert checks the mailbox. Dilbert holds a letter and says, "That's the most cynical thought I've ever heard in my life." Dogbert says, "Thanks, I'm blushing under my fur."