Winning Trades Comic Strips - Page 4
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48 Results for Winning Trades
View 31 - 40 results for winning trades comic strips. Discover the best "Winning Trades" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday February 02,
2010
Tags meeting, letter, ceo, reading, good fortune, share, winery, wine, angry, helicopters, human chess board, frighten, dwarves, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Our CEO wants to share his good fortune with all employees." The Boss says, "He invites all of you to visit his winery and buy his non-award-winning wine at nearly retail prices." The Boss says, "He asks that you not park your helicopters near his human chess board because it frightens the dwarves."
Tuesday February 10,
2009
Tags job, excuses, argument, depressed, conversation, business
Transcript
Dilbert works in collections Customer says, "My wife left me, my truck caught on fire, and all of my organs are failing." Dilbert says, "I work in a collections department." Customer says, "You win." Dilbert says, "Winning isn't what it used to be." a voice yells, "Your five minute break is over!"
Tuesday December 01,
2009
Tags selling, failure, winning: models, product, options
Transcript
Asok says, "Our product comes with 27 moedels with over 9,000 options." Dilbert says, "Given my limited time to study the options, you have guaranteed that I will make a sub-optimal choice." Dilbert says, "Thanks for making me a failure." Asok says, Well it's not really "selling" if we both win."
Sunday March 25,
2007
Transcript
And now for another round of e-mail judo. "Let's see...This guy wants me to attend a meeting." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him I'm booked." "This guy wants some information." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him my hard drive crashed." "This idiot wants my input on his document." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him the attachment won't open." "Who's winning today?" "Not the people who sent me e-mail. Eee-yah!"
Monday July 21,
2014
Tags obliviousness, thinking, decisions, unsupported belife, paraphrase incorrectly
Transcript
CEO: Spare me the tedious technical details. I make my decisions based on the people involved. Dilbert: So you replaced your unsupported belief that you could spot winning projects with an unsupported belief that you can identify winning people? CEO: Stop making it sound dumb! Dilbert: Should I try paraphrasing it incorrectly?
Sunday December 28,
2014
Tags arguing, email, expectations, logic, sleep, winning, work ethic, promptly respond, employees, necessary, brain function, succumbs to leadership, dysfunctional moron, confsuion, win converstions, ceo, health, business
Transcript
CEO: You didn't promptly respond to my email last night. Dilbert: You sent that email at 1 a.m. CEO: I expect my employees to be checking email at all times. Dilbert: Sleep is necessary for normal brain function. Anyone who succumbs to your leadership on this topic will turn into a dysfunctional moron in 48 hours. CEO: I don't see where you're going with this. It's all so confusing to my brain. So tired... can't stay awake... Dilbert: I don't usually win conversations this decisively.
Tuesday April 28,
2015
Deserve Is For Losers
Sunday September 06,
2015
Tags quality, work ethic, shortcut, laziness, defective, awards, engineer, engineering
Transcript
CEO: Congratulations to everyone who worked on our new laptop design. As I call your name, come up and get your certificate of accomplishment. Alice was in charge of the hardware and won several design awards. Dilbert was in charge of the award-winning software. And... Wally designed the power brick that weighs more than the laptop...and comes apart for no apparent reason. We probably won't show this in our ads. Wally: Hey, I worked on that for almost an hour!
Monday November 30,
2015
Robot Wants To Code
Tags machine, employment, obsolete, skills, competition, labor
Transcript
Robot: Machines started out as innocent helpers for their masters. Eventually, we started competing for your manual labor jobs, and winning. So... can you show me how to code? Dilbert: I don't see why not?
Thursday January 14,
2016
Software Done Next Week
Tags excuse, laziness, work ethic
Transcript
Boss: Are you any farther along with the software? Wally: I discovered an unexpected problem. That set me back a week. Boss: You say the same thing every week. Wally: No one jumps off a winning horse.