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Absurd Absolute

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 Absurd Absolute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #software upgrade, #idiot, #absurd absolute, #admit when wrong, #eaten unicorn

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You're an idiot if you think the software upgrade will solve every one of our problems. Dilbert: Or are you an idiot for characterizing my reasonable idea as an absurd absolute? Why cant you admit when you're wrong? Dilbert: Same reason you've never eaten a unicorn.

Wally Pivots

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Wally Pivots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #deception, #projects

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Wally: My project was failing, so I pivoted to a different idea with the same name. Later, I'll change the project name to cover my tracks. Asok: What about your sunk costs? Wally: Gone like footprints in the sands of time.

Optimal Meeting Density

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Optimal Meeting Density  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #excuses, #excuse, #meeting, #meetings, #powerpoint, #business

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Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.

Hot And Cold In The Office

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Hot And Cold In The Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #temperature, #thermostat, #disagreement, #hot, #cold

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Alice: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so cold my hands turned into blocks of ice. Dilbert: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so hot I can't concentrate. Boss: Are the two of you the same species? Dilbert: That's a gray area because it would be impossible for us to mate.

Second Opinion

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Second Opinion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #clarification, #confusion, #instructions, #leadership, #boss, #flake

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Dilbert: Yesterday I asked for clarification on my assignment. But your clarification sounded nothing like the original assignment. Boss: Sometimes it's good to get a second opinion. Dilbert: Not from the same person.

Idea Stealing

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Idea Stealing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #idea, #manager, #credit

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Boss: What does everyone think of my idea? Dilbert: I suggested that same idea last week and you said it was terrible. Boss: Your idea was totally different because it involved you getting the credit.

Good Day At Work

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Good Day At Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #work, #morale, #engagment, #boredom, #anger, #frustration

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Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: On a good day, the frustration and anger solve for the boredom. Dogbert: What's a bad day like? Dilbert: Same as a good day but with more questions.

Radical Candor

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Radical Candor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #management, #radical condor, #time, #computer

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The Boss: I've decided to adopt a hot new management trend called, "Radical Condor." The trick is to be direct yet kind at the same time. Dilbert: What were you doing before? The Boss: Let's not get into that.

Coworkers Getting Dumber

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Coworkers Getting Dumber - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #Dilbert, #imagination, #co-workers, #dumber, #know

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Dilbert: Is it my imagination or are my co-workers getting dumber every day? Catbert: They aren't getting dumber. You're just getting to know them better. It looks the same.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #test, #scripts, #software, #project, #hardware, #tests, #version, #final, #release, #volunteering, #testing, #player

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The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.