10 Dollars Bug Fix Comic Strips - Page 40
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Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?
Man: I need your help solving a software problem on my computer. Dilbert: Why am I cursed with the sort of competence that makes me a servant to the incapable? Man: I don't know what that means. Dilbert: If you did, you could probably fix your own problems.
dilbert: according to my algorithm, we are heading toward a parody inversion point. that happens when reality becomes so absurd that it is indistinguishable from parody. dogbert: maybe the government can fix that dilbert alarmed: gaaa! i can't tell if you're serious!
dilbert: reality has become so absurd that it is indistinguishable from parody. how can we fix that? garbage man: there is nothing to fix. reality has always been the same as parody. you just didn't notice until now. dilbert: you're joking, right? garbage man: check out this comic strip called "dilbert"
dogbert's tech support dogbert: yes, we know the user manual refers to the wrong product. just use your common sense to figure out what the manual should have said. voice from phone: i tried the, but it didn't work. dogbert: i can't fix your common sense!
alice: our internal processes are so inefficient that we can't get products to market before they are obsolete. boss: i'll create a multidisciplinary task force to look into it. alice: you want to use an inefficient system to fix an inefficient system? boss: it's called fighting fire with fire.
dogbert: your products are shoddy, and your sales teams are incompetent. but there is a theoretical amount of marketing genius that can fix all of that. boss: are you that genius? dogbert: please. you're making me blush.
the marketing genius dogbert: my genius alone will not be enough to fix the problems at this company. this looks like a five-dogbert situation. that is why i arranged to clone myself five times. boss: what's the extra clone for? dogbert: that one takes the blame.
Boss: I hear you were being sarcastic about safety. Obviously, you don't take safety seriously, so I have to send you to a safety re-education camp for a week. Dilbert: That will totally fix this problem. Boss: You just bought yourself an extra week.