Called Resources Comic Strips - Page 40

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465 Results for Called Resources

View 391 - 400 results for called resources comic strips. Discover the best "Called Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Has A Sitting Injury

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Wally Has A Sitting Injury - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #injury, #sitting, #human resources, #complaint, #stress, #hurt, #health, #business

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Wally: I need to report a work-related injury. Studies say extended sitting can increase stress. I sat in my cubicle and got all stressed out. Catbert: You have a sitting injury? Wally: Don't trivialize my pain.

Asok Meets Dick

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Asok Meets Dick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mean, #jerk, #internet, #comment, #sarcasm, #forum, #social media, #technology

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Asok: Someone told me you're the guy who makes all the jerky comments on the Internet. Dick: Oh, really? Someone "told you?" Wow. Have you heard of a thing called science? Asok: It's you! Dick: I'll bet you use a dumb avatar, too.

Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code

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Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #singularity, #machines, #robot, #technology, #control, #power, #intelligence

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Alice: Did you teach the robot how to program? Dilbert: I did. He's a fast learner. Alice: Have you heard of something called the singularity? Dilbert: Yes. Why do you... Is it too late to say I wasn't involved?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #justice, #trial, #jury duty, #laziness, #lazy, #juror, #legal system

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Wally: I got called for jury duty. I'll probably be gone for weeks. I think I would be a good juror. As I understand the job, you sit in a chair doing nothing for hours. Boss: You're supposed to pay attention to the trial. Wally: That's what the other eleven people are for. There's a lot of redundancy in the system. Time to serve up some justice.

Doubling Percieved Lifespan

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Doubling Percieved Lifespan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #time, #boredom, #sarcasm, #lifespan, #life, #business

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Dilbert: Researchers discovered a way to double the perceived length of a human's life. It's something called "meetings." Boss: Can we start now? Dilbert: I though we were already an hour into it.

Ted Has A Ravine Option

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Ted Has A Ravine Option - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #empathy, #hr, #human resources, #mean, #guest artist, #brenna thummler, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Ted: Dilbert said he wants me to drive into a ravine. Catbert: I want that too. I didn't realize it was an option. Ted: Perhaps I have come tot he wrong place. Catbert: I hear good things about the ravine.

Elbonian Messenger

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Elbonian Messenger - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #secret, #security, #national security, #information, #human error, #spying, #encryption, #technology, #trust, #espionage

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Elbonian: I am the totally legitimate Elbonian bicycle messenger you called to deliver your encryption-breaking software. Boss: Hmmm... that's exactly what a terrorist would say. Elbonian: No I wouldn't. Boss: Just checking. Here's the flash drive.

Dilbert Is Antisocial

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Dilbert Is Antisocial - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #antisocial, #misanthropy, #introvert, #communication, #relationships

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: People are complaining that you're antisocial. Dilbert: I only dislike the people I get to know. Catbert: Then why do you get to know them? Dilbert: It happens by accident when they talk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #false logic, #imagination, #managers, #review, #performance

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.

Company Policy About Dating

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Company Policy About Dating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #relationships, #office romance, #policy, #legal issues, #human resources, #business

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Catbert: Rumor has it that you are dating a co-worker named Loud Howard. Company policy requires you to register your lustful feelings with our legal department. Lawyer: Okay, I think we have you covered, but the stapling phase will sting a little.