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We ship our new mp3 player in two days. How's the Elbonian factory coming along? "The prototype is the size of a small tractor and it will only play Elbonian polkas." "I'll budget a little extra for marketing." "It's made of asbestos."
Google Headquarters "Isn't it a little bit evil to kill Dilbert with our death ray?" "Good point...What if I just blast the space station out of orbit and make it land on his house?" "I'll bet you ten billion dollars you can't." "And the lower has to introduce himself as 'the dumb one.'"
"Asok, you've done a good job this quarter so I'm going to toss a little non-monetary compensation your way." "Tell me some boring story about your life and I'll pretend to enjoy it." "And the story should involve pirates. Go."
"Now that I know your resume was embellished, you need to talk to the VP of Human Resources." "Are you going to fire me?" "Nah. I'll let you in on a little secret." "I'm the ficus tree that used to be in the lobby."
"Dilbert, I have a little project for you to do in your spare time." "What exactly is my 'spare time'?" "Well, for example, there's the time that normal people would use for dating." "And since you're not dating, you can trim a few minutes from your hygiene schedule too." "Then there's the time you spend daydreaming about a fulfilling life." "That's exactly like stealing from the company." "And your stupid questions - Those have to take at least an hour a day." "Are my questions stupid?" "Not as bad as your answers."
"I cannot decide if you are very wise or just a big stupid moron." "Well, I'll tell you, little cowpoke, when the snake falls in love with the spaghetti, it's time to buy a new hat." "You look more flustered than a barefoot squirrel at a tire store." "Gaaa!!! They almost make sense!!"
"A business magazine is sending a reporter to interview me." "You?" "They want to learn my best management practices." "That's a little like milking a squirrel because you need butter." "I don't know what that meant, but I like the way it sounded." "Describe your typical day." "Well, let me tell you..." "Sometimes you milk the squirrel, and sometimes the squirrel milks you." "'He is like a zen master. His words are peppered with squirrel-related wisdom.'" THE TIMES