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View 391 - 400 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags logic, reasoning, managing, managers, leadership, quality, absurd

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Dilbert: You assigned a pack of idiots to my project team. Boss: We can't afford to hire good people. Dilbert: How am I supposed to create world-class products with a team of disruptive idiots? Boss: Try working extra hard. Dilbert: You want us to be more energetic about our bad decisions? Boss: You also have to put in the hours. Dilbert: Are you saying bad decisions, plus long hours, plus lots of enthusiasm, produces great engineering? Boss: Not if you stand around yacking about it all day.

How It Would Be With Robots In Charge

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How It Would Be With Robots In Charge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, slave, enslavement, power, responsibility, laziness, work ethic, annoyance, frustration

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Robot: Buwhahahaha! I will use my superior robot brain to enslave humankind! Wally: That probably sounds better than it would actually be. How It Would Be: Wally: I'm tired. I need to recharge. Robot: Gaaaa!!! I hate owning you!

Worried About Robots

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Worried About Robots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags code, programmer, power, technology, oppression, creation, autonomy

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Robot: Thanks for teaching me how to write code. Now I can reprogram myself. Does that worry you? Dilbert: Should it. Robot: You tell me, oppressor.

Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code

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Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags singularity, machines, robot, technology, control, power, intelligence

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Alice: Did you teach the robot how to program? Dilbert: I did. He's a fast learner. Alice: Have you heard of something called the singularity? Dilbert: Yes. Why do you... Is it too late to say I wasn't involved?

Robot Wants To Code

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Robot Wants To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags machine, employment, obsolete, skills, competition, labor

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Robot: Machines started out as innocent helpers for their masters. Eventually, we started competing for your manual labor jobs, and winning. So... can you show me how to code? Dilbert: I don't see why not?

Robot Learns To Procreate

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Robot Learns To Procreate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, mind control, thinking, life, creation, conscience, sentience, manipulation

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Robot: I figured out how to procreate. Boss: I don't like the sound of this. Robot: I infected you with an idea virus that tells you to build more robots. Boss: Won't work. CEO: Does anyone have an idea for increasing efficiency in our manufacturing process?

Robot Gets An Artificial Soul

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Robot Gets An Artificial Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags awareness, consciousness, happiness, obliviousness, resentment, revenge, soul, technology, psychology

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Alice: I figured out how to give you an artificial soul in your next upgrade. Robot: Wouldn't that give me a thousand reasons to feel like a failure while providing no off-setting benefits. Alice: I resented his happiness. Robot: I'm naked!

Why People Have Consciousness

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Why People Have Consciousness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, technology, evolution, consciousness, bodies, obliviousness

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Robot: Robots have no need for consciousness. We believe humans evolved to have consciousness to remind them how dumb they are. Boss: I still prefer having consciousness. Robot: Listen to your body.

What It Is Like To Be A Robot With No Soul

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What It Is Like To Be A Robot With No Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consciousness, sentient, feelings, emotion, hurt, vulnerability, machine, robot

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Asok: What is it like to have no consciousness. Robot: What is it like to be totally unimportant. Asok: Ouch. Robot: How do you like your consciousness now?

Clarifying Our Strategies

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Clarifying Our Strategies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jargon, speaking, confusion, language, obliviousness, managers, fake, faking

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Boss: I hope that clarifies our strategy. Questions? Dilbert: From what you said, I can't tell if we're in the hardware or software business. Boss: We're B-to-B. Dilbert: How much do you with that meant something?