Office Workers Comic Strips - Page 40
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1000 Results for Office Workers
View 391 - 400 results for office workers comic strips. Discover the best "Office Workers" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday January 08,
2019
First Ai As Smart As Humans
Tags intelligence, invention, office workers, robot, technology, logic, conspiracy, humans
Transcript
Dilbert: I've created the first artificial intelligence that is as smart as a human being. The breakthrough came when I replaced its logic code with conspiracy theories, lies, emotional outbursts, and overconfidence. Asok: You have created an abomination. Robot: I find it curious that you take sides with the chem trails.
Monday January 07,
2019
How Long To Make Ai
Tags computers, engineering, intelligence, office workers, sarcasm, technology, robots, humans
Transcript
Boss: How long would it take you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as humans? Dilbert: It shouldn't take me long to dumb-down a computer to human levels. Boss: What? Dilbert: It might take five minutes, tops.
Sunday January 06,
2019
Tags argument, boss, complaining, eating, managers & supervisors, office, office workers, sounds
Transcript
Boss: I need to talk to you about your apple-eating. Dilbert: My what? Boss: Every afternoon you eat an apple at your desk. Your co-workers are complaining because it's loud. They can't work with all of your crispy chewing noise. Dilbert: In my defense, my co-workers are so incompetent that the less work they do, the better off the company is. Boss: That is a surprisingly robust defense. I'll come back if I can think of a counter-argument. Dilbert: Good luck. Crunch.
Saturday January 05,
2019
Twizzle The Flurm
Tags confused, employees, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers
Transcript
Boss: The engineers think I don't understand what they do all day. Catbert: Maybe it's because you don't. Boss: You too? Wally: My project is late because I had to twizzle the flurm. Boss: Okay, that sounds right.
Friday January 04,
2019
No Raise For Dilbert
Tags boss, employees, employment, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, work, salary
Transcript
Dilbert: Can I have a 25% raise to get my compensation up to market levels? Boss: No. Dilbert: Okay. I'll just work 25% less because you won't know the difference. Boss: I would know if you did that. Dilbert: Should I get back to separating the zeroes from the ones in our database?
Thursday January 03,
2019
Firing Ted
Tags boss, managers & supervisors, office, office workers, panic, suspicious
Transcript
Boss: Ted, come to my office at five o'clock. Ted: Gaaa!!! That's what you say when you plan to fire people! Boss: Don't be ridiculous. Also, bring your keys.
Wednesday January 02,
2019
Boxes With Names
Tags business, employees, managers & supervisors, meetings, office workers, suspicious, layoff
Transcript
Boss: The rumors of a major layoff are completely untrue. Dilbert: Why did the facilities management people just deliver a huge load of cardboard boxes to the break room? Boss: You can never have too many boxes. Dilbert: Why does every box have an employee name on it?
Sunday December 30,
2018
Tags angry, business, office workers, sarcasm
Transcript
Boss: Did you finish the product redesign? Dilbert: You never told me to redesign the product. Boss: I don't want any excuses! Dilbert: You never told me to redesign anything. Boss: Whoa! Leave your pretzel logic at home. You need to learn how to take responsibility for your failures. Dilbert: Okay...I take full responsiblity for you not telling me what you wanted me to do. Boss: You're not doing it right. Dilbert: Should I slap myself while saying it?
Saturday December 29,
2018
Alice Gets Mandatory Training
Tags complaining, office workers, punishment, threat
Transcript
Alice: I can't work with old Ned. He's a sexist, racist, bigoted troglodyte. Catbert: Name-calling is not allowed in this company. I sentence you to three weeks of mandatory training. Alice: I could trangle you with your own tail. Catbert: Six weeks!
Friday December 28,
2018
Fetching Coffee
Tags elderly, engineering, men and women, office workers
Transcript
Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.

