Waste Time Comic Strips - Page 40

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View 391 - 400 results for waste time comic strips. Discover the best "Waste Time" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, business ethics, class, more efficient, government contract, stuffed deer

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Dilbert: This class will make me more efficient. Boss: I don't want you to be more efficient. You're working on a government contract and billing by the hour. Now go bill them for the time you stood here and stared at me like a stuffed deer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, business ethics, career path, warn you, maximum career potential, less embarrassing car, ne wocmpany, ceo, huge nbonus, conversation

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Dilbert: I'd like to talk about my career path. Boss: Are you sure? Dilbert: Um... yes. I'm sure. Boss: Don't say I didn't warn you. You're within 20% of your maximum career potential. Your future will be just like the present, except you'll be older and you might own a less-embarrassing car. If you go to a new company, you'll like it at first. But in time you'll realize every place is the same. Dilbert: Gaaa!! Take back the truth!1 Lie to me! Boss: Maybe someday our CEO will make such a huge bonus that he'll want to share some of it with you. Dilbert: I hate! Boss: Hey, I'm the guy who tried to spare you from this conversation.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags magic, supernatural practices, sacred dance, cucbicle, useful by comparison

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Dilbert: It is time for the sacred dance of the cubicle. Hi-aw-ah-hee hu-ha-ya-ya wa-ha-ya-yi. That should make everything I do today seem useful by comparison.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, quarreling, mastered art, being useless, next level, toxic, toxic people, complain, personal problems

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Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoyance, cruelty, impossible, totally worthless, vacations

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Alice: It's impossible to get anything done this time of year because everyone who isn't totally worthless is on vacation. Dilbert: None taken.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags despair, recessions, unemployment, fix your lips, job satisfaction, all time low

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Catbert: Oh no! Employee job satisfaction is at an all-time low at the same time unemployment is high! Boss: Ha ha! Good one. Now it's my turn to try saying it as if I care! Oh no! Catbert: Ha ha! Fix your lips!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags embarrassment, printmaking, printer prowler, spots activity, minions

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Boss: The printer prowler spots activity. It's time to see what the minions are working on. They're on to me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, restaurants, filling survey, surveys, guilty, date, dinner, restaurant, Food, favorite restaurant, romance, waiter, pick up waiter, ruined, relationships

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Waiter: Would you mind filling out this customer survey so we know how we're doing? Dilbert: I don't have time to fill out surveys about everything I do. But you're making me feel guilty about not doing it. Oh no! You turned a good customer experience into something ugly. It's getting all awkward and I'm looking like a big jerk in front my date. Now I can never again eat here because I'm afraid of what you'll do to my food. You've ruined my favorite restaurant, as well as my chance of romance with this woman. Waiter: ... favorite restaurant... Woman: What are you doing later?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags administrative agencies, project timeline, waste one week, set up meeting, available in a week

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Dilbert: I estimated the project timeline by assuming that everyone involved will waste one week. Boss: That's a stupid way to do a timeline. Set up a meeting and I'll show you how it's supposed to be done. Carol: He's available in a week.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, internet & world wide web, coding, paywall, website, wrote script, new content, idea to eliminate, revenue, lowered costs, technology

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Boss: Wally, did you finish coding the paywall for our website? Wally: I did something better. I wrote a script to delete any new content as soon as it's posted. At bonus time, keep in mind that you're the one who had the idea to eliminate revenue, and I'm the one who lowered hosting costs.